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Yes.

OUR SOCIETY IS FUCKED UP!!

whats in a name?

ok its simple:

my name is Zainab, zanob, zainy, zainbooo, zeez and nuba .... etc

wini3im o 3ash esmi ;p i know..

so whats urs?
*btw: im not doing this for fun, theres a point im trying to prove.

*for those who i already know their names ( my friends ) im not doing this for me! so, you know what to do ;) thanks :*

Resuscitate

as i was about to sleep.
as my eyes were about to shut.
as my lungs were about to numb.
as my thoughts were about to die.
as my heart was about to finally stop.
as my line was about to turn flat.

you came

Im sooo EVIL !!

* update: 25-8-2006 friday BELLA 7bebty kl 3am wnty b 1000 5air :*** love you :* You Are 62% Evil How Evil Are You? You are very evil. And you're too evil to care. Those who love you probably also fear you. A lot. i would like to say i was shocked with the result! but i wasnt hehehehe everyone i know keeps telling me im evil.. so be honest enough and asnwer HONESTLY are u or are u not ? let me know and trust me i wouldnt care ;p this one is just for fun!! try it You Are 48% Lady

You're part lady, part modern woman. Etiquette is important to you, but you brush aside rules that are outdated or silly.

Are You A Lady?

i posted this coz i was so sleepy and felt like doing something stupid before i go to bed
so good night :*

*up date:

BWAHAHAAAAAA

-my new laugh-
>;]

Brightest Darkness

nosa and light

i was online,
my dad was watching the news
the kids were watching cartoons
my brothers were playing play station
my sister was working on her laptop plugged into the wall
my other brother heating food in the microwave
the lights were all switched on everything was so bright, u had to tighten ur eyes a little bit. just so it wont hurt..
then with no warning. it all went off at 8:15 pm

the first thing u get is ( coal black) darkness, and everything goes silent including ourselves. trying to comprehend the situation.
then you hear feet running on the floor, you hear some crying and laughter. you hear some drawers being opened and closed, doors opening, people going down the stairs, u can also hear the matches being lit, murmur.
everything is quite you can actually hear each other now!
since i was in the basement, i kept quite for a long time, listening and grasping on each and every dark inch that i couldn't see, on each sound i was able to hear it was along time since i ever heard this much details. all so very clear and alive.
so i stay there i do not move.
then i see light approaching from behind the door, its "ahmad" my little brother holding a lit candle in his hands, i could see the light reflecting on his nose glasses and chin, he asks: why are u still here? come up and take this candle, we have a lot of candles upstairs. with a huge smile on his excited face!
i look and i smile back: ok 7beby, leave it here and i will be right behind u..
i look at the candle how its light is so subtle touches only the edges of lines that define objects, barely enough but quite enough to shape them, including myself.
my eyes are open now, its dark relaxing the mind and eyes, giving them a break!.
i stand i take the candle and go up stairs.

the laughter would not stop couse my sister was here with her kids mashalah four of them + my brother, so that was a bunch of excited kids who were hyper all at once.
i see candles, on the coffee table in the middle of the living room there was my dad and my sister sitting on the couch facing the candles, talking.
kids were running with flash lights in their hands. maids coming in with more candles spreading them around.
i look at my dad and smile. i go and sit on the opposite couch and i lay on it. i keep looking at them, no one is looking at me coz its dark where iam now.
there was no tv, no radio or stereo, no computers no phones no fridges sounds no microwaves beeping, no acs .... it was only the living things that made any sound. and it was the most beautiful moment i have ever had in a very long time.
the kids were talking to each other making jokes running playing hide and seek, things we used to do when we were little. things they do not do..
they were simply children. just happy children. They didn’t need a machine to make them happy, they were full of joy..
then my brothers came down and they were pissed coz they were playing some game and it went off. they had to sit with us now. in a few minutes all of this wasnt strange or weird anymore, everyone was talking to everyone, they adapted so quickly they felt familiar as if they knew this before, their bodies wanted this needed it.. they were happy. i felt everyone in the room was happy they are all together now. i was looking at us as a family all together. i joined in ofcourse it made me happy to, then i kept thinking, how my mom would have loved this.
life is very strange...i was thinking ... unpredictable and strange.

suddenly I missed one of my friends, so I simply call to say hello. I didn’t click on her name and chat I just called her it was nice hearing her voice I was happy to hear her voice.
i swear i wanted it to last some more. I wanted it to last.
my niece my baby niece "nosa" was fascinated with the candle light we couldn't get her to stay away form it. she kept getting her face closer to the candle, as if she wanted to get in, looking at it was not enough. She was so quite as if hypnotized with curiuosity!
in 30 minutes no electricity, got us 20 years back in time. i mean the feeling of 20 years back. it was beautiful. that's all i can say. it was very beautiful.
Only 30 minutes of mere simplicity and nature. We are nature part of life's nature. It all stopped as soon as the lights got back on. everything was dark again just like it has always been..that is when my other niece "7oor"sung: happy birthday to you, then innocently blew out the candle...

your lips lie.

"Kisses" were tasteless, and dry
like shoving/rubbing/pressing sand against my face
u can always get bored of kissing
but never of trouble.

never try to make it last
just loosen my grip
give up
and let it be
or go
i learn from it
as it learns from me

love, but do not try to understand
the substitute for an end, is to understand
it is indefinable
as it is common
inevitable.

it hurts
but goes away
and when it does, it hurts again.
like holding ice in my hands

as i brush my hair
i know for certain
its not, anymore (there)
i know im right

my lips never lie to me.

Thingeyat No3ik

Thingy 1:
ri7t al9b7 madre wain, radait madre meta......and this is what i saw !!!! :`(
a`7eeeeh i feel guilty walllah ??? afham e7na shlon 3aysheen b hl shams???!!!

im sorry! :(

Thingy 2:
Noosa (nor bnt e5ty incase ur new here) wants lettuce! no actually she doesnt want.
shes begging for it ;p

Thingy 3:
everyday after work exactly 1:45 most of the times, i arrive home, its hot, and as im hating myself for it. everytime, at the door step i see this!! lol cat whom i named ( qanfootha) lying there on the hot marble getting cold air mn ta7t al bab !! loooooooooooooooooool
ham a`7eeeeeeeeeeeh !!!!! everytime i enter and she never moves, not an inch lol. a7ibha wallah :*** jaikara.

Thingy 4 :
ok i love her glasses and i want them!!! theyre my new thing
everymonth i have to obsses about something, so this month its her shades ppl!!! 3ageben.
o ehya ham 3ageeeba b3d :*

Thingy 2-part b:
noooosa starting to give up on the lettuce!! will she ever get there ??? that is in part c inshalah ;p
6ab3an aham shay bl maw`6oo3 kila kishat,haaa ;p
`7`7`7`7`7`7`7

Thingy 5:
aham shay anik 7aaaaaadik em`6ayi3 ya ba6aaal !!
we can say such things only happen bshowari3 al gabreya ;p

we also can say, " 5araga walam ya3od " 6a6a6aaaaaaaan !!!!

Thingy 6:
X````````````( !!!! a7ad egoli shasawe ?????Thingy 7:
finally!!!!!!!!!!!!!all i can say rayoom 7ubi my sis (THANK YOU) :***************************

and also lil thanks to amazon, ya36eehum al 3afya ;p

thats it for today ... see ya laters bbl.
byez
ta7eyat No3ik ;)

p.s
special thanks to "Jason Jizzy" i mean Common, 3l superman tone ;)

No3ik, bella and jiji - kiss kiss-

soooo the famous bella no3ik annnnnd jiiji finally MEeT!

lastnight at exactly 8:15 Maki (BIG MISTAKE)

(first off what to wear?)
I was planning to be a female and wear a skirt for the second time in my life in honour of meeting with jiji.....
No3ik: jiji mn gadich ra7 albislich tanoora .. ba9era mara ;p
jiji: lol no3ik ay shay just be yourself wear what ever u usually wear.
No3ik: well jiji i think i was born in a jeans i never wear anything else, i cant ;p so are u sure.
jiji: eeee yl habla wear jeans 3adi, and btw im polishing my nails red so theyd go with my red lipstich ham 3ashanich ;)
No3ik: yah yah yah mn gaddi .. yallah see ya in a few hours inshalah.

(Bellas)
No3ik: bella ana bara yallah 6il3eli
Bella: ok ok ...
- bella enters the car - kiss kiss -
Bella: no3ik tara ive never done this befor meet a blogger, i was excited this morning but now im just ... nervous!!!
No3ik: lol yeah i remember that feeling, dont worry u will like her, it will be weired coz its different but u will get used to it in like the first 15 mins or so.
Bella: inshalah ;) bs if i dont speak tara 3adi, u know im shy.
No3ik: e i know... wa7ilwich .. dont worry ana mawgooda afa 3laich ;)

(red light red lipstick)
arrive 3nd al eshara malat showbiz:
-no3ik calls jiji-
No3ik: wainich ??
jiji: Wagfa 3l eshara 7amra al7en.
No3ik : me to i can see that, i actually can see ur big lips kaf5at,hum al eshara al7amra to!!!lol
jiji: looool la wallah wainich wainich
No3ik: ana warach matshofeeni .. yalah see ya in a min inshalah

(to valet or not to valet)
No3ik: should we give it to valet?
Belaa: kaifich?
- then we look at eachother laugh -
No3ik: loooooooool 7ada no ga9en 3laina bya5thon dinar 3l fa`6i lol ill just park anywhere.
Bella: loooooooooool badda3tay e wallah 9a7 kalamich girl ;p
No3ik: eeeeeeeeeeeeeeee cheaaaaaaaaaaap ;D and PROUD!!!

(ENTER)
-jiiji ga3da bl zawya 7ada `6alma -
No3ik: hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii jiji shlonich OMG a5eeran!!
jiji: eee 7bebty wallah
- kiss kiss kiss all over the place -
we order food ... yeah sure!
i look at the menu go through like 10 times lol i dont get a thing!! girls shraykum ta6lbon li waftak
hehehehe ok ,,,
jiji and bella discuss their fav dishes !! im like :s what the f* i have no idea what theyre talking about im so not a fan of jap foood ... bs yalllah ma3a al 5aaail ya om sha3ar aswad ;p

( watching others eat)
food arrives. i look at it.
they start eating
im still looking at it
No3ik: question, how do we eat this???!!
- ili 9ar b3dain mala da3i -

(GOSSIP!!)
almuhim as us girls we couldnt stop talking not for one minute we even got very loud at time, when the gossip got steamy ;p
ex:
Nnunu .. 7adha cute!! tinks tyanin !! zizo 7ada embadi3 hl yomain ;p ma5ala a7ad matziwiga:p
commen would make a gr8 stripper :p ... etc wl bagi ill keep for myself 3shan lay9er 6aag ehne lol
`7`7`7`7`7` 6ab3an ma 5alaina a7ad .. abshirooo ya gama3a thnoobkum 7ataat inshalah ;p
it was really fun and great. we had a good time great laughs but not soo good food!!!!

anywayssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss
my long post better end now ..

p.s
inshalah inshalah next time lialy tkon mawgoda 7bebty:***
and i still insist on YOOM AL BA7AR !! A7EEEEEH 3L NA5AY WL BAJILA ;p
hatha al akil wela balash!!

cha chaw!

pp.s.
i wore my beautiful red shoes, but flats not heels ;p coz im only 158 and i wasnt trying to hide it
like b3`6 al nas ;p hehehehehe.

fractions.

its very dark in here
i stare at my hands but i cant see them
i roll on to the next pillow
its surface is crisp cold
my body temperature rushes to warm it up

i lay back and i stare again at my hands
this time closer
but i cant see anything yet.
its as dark as my hair

i sit on the coffee table,
i look at the chair, the sofa
my feet touching the marble,
i move it to the carpet
feels funny, how soft the marble is, lush the carpet is

i hold my cup
its almost done
i sip and its not hot anymore
so i drink up.

im standing waiting inline
its crowded , people are talking and shoving against eachother
its really hot.
but i feel calm and quiet
i dont feel like moving at all
i just stand
i never move.

i still want to see my hands, i can see them typing right now
my hands are typing. beautifully
i had a dream i was typing on a pizza instead of a keyboard
smeared cheese and tomato sauce on my fingers.

if i cant see something
doesnt mean its not there.
i see it right infront of me, my coffee mug
doesnt mean its really there.

a true story.

this is going to be a long post.. zizo and lialy hope ur gona read it.
im wirting this as i listen to "even the best fall down sometimes"
im numb at the moment.
i feel this thing building up in and on my chest and i want it out NOW.
it starts like this:

i was getting rid of some old stuff in my bedroom.
so i found this dusty box under the bed. it was "stuffed" with letters, papers, pics, and cards. i also found my 16 year old diary! i dont even remmeber having a diary at that age.
so i smiled, i opened it and started reading, some pages got me to tears coz there was alot stuff bout my mom that i even forgot about.
mostly was about highschool and my friends..highschool days are so laaame!! anyways ..
theres one thing u need to know about me. my friends are MY LIFE. if im friends with someone, i know theyre worth my friendship they always always come first.
i have a huge huge circle of friends al7imdellah they are my treasure.... so ...

one of my highschool friends is 7bebty "fay" my diary was all fay this and fay that and it broke my heart that now for almost 7 years i know nothing bout her totally lost contact after she got married and had kids, thats what i hear from other friends. i dont talk to her or have her number.

last page of my diary was all phone numbers of my friends. they were all house numbers. so i thought i want to call and ask for her mobile number... now i really really wish i never made that call!

before i go any further i must tell you alittle bit bout my fay. ithink shes the bravest girl i have ever met in my life. shes been slit cut since the day she was born, shes been hurt in every way u can imagine physically and emotionally. i have no idea how she survived and was even able to smile. fay been through shit that i dont even see in movies, fay fought like a warrior, her life is a horror movie, fay been through one crisis to the next and had the strength to help her other friends through their silly shitty problems. fay had the biggest heart on earth biggest kindest heart and the most beautiful smile.best personality.

so i call, the phone rings and my heart beats raise..... her father answers the phone:

no3ik: alsalam 3laikum 3ami, this is flana liflaney.. im very sorry for calling u like this, but could you please give me fays mobile number coz i lost it?
father: hala fech wallah, whos fay?
no3ik: im sorry isnt this bait "..." arent you buflan?
father: yes it is, but whos fay?
no3ik: 3ami im very sorry again but fay ur daughter!! im her friend from highschool i just want to say hi, could you please give me her number?!
father: - sudden change of tone- oh u mean fay the b*tch!!!!
- ok so now u can imagine the shock on my face specialy that we were speaking in arabic, so it sounded more revolting and sick!!!!-
no3ik: huh!!! excuse me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
father: fay the b*tch, the slut, the animal ... etc ..... - his voice started raising - SHE IS NOT MY DAUGHTER DONT U EVER SAY THAT SHES MY DAUGHTER U UNDERSTAND!!!!
no3ik: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so sorry!!!! what is wrong????
father: i said dont call her my daughter shes not, and btw she was adopted shes not my daughter not my blood her family name isnt "..." shes a whore shes not mine anyways shes not my daughter shes a b*tch........
no3ik: - i started crying - 3ami please can i have her number now. where is she now ???
father: i dont know where that b*tch is i threw her out the house years ago!!! shes probably dead or with some ass. i dont know...
no3ik: what about her kids???? where are they?????
father: thrown out with her, theyre all bastards... they belong in the street.
no3ik: ..................!!!!
father: if u ever see her in the street tell her I DONT SAY HI.- then he laughed- !!!!!
no3ik: .................!!!
father: that whore. my advice just forget she ever existed thats what i did.
no3ik: i have to go now bye.
- and i hung up-

im still shocked!! i still cant believe what i heard.
shes like any one of us, shes a girl who used to laugh had friends, had dreams, had a heart.
i have no idea why im telling you all of this, i know ur comments wont help or solve anything, i know u have nothing to do with this, i just need it off my chest.

after all what shes been through!!!! AFTER ALL WHAT SHES BEEN THROUGH!!!!!!!
now i know it was nothing, now i know shes been through worst!!!!!
i have no idea where she is, i have no idea if shes alive or not.
shes my friend, one of my good friends.

they say when u fall, u get up and move on.
but what if u fell in the mudd, got all covered up with mud and dirt, u do get up but u need someone who would help u wash it off, u simply need help.
her parents, her father gave her away. he fed her to the wolves!! and hes blaming her for it.how does he sleep at night!!!!

how can some parents be so cold dead hearted! no matter what she did, no matter what, shes family, shes amother shes got 3 kids!!!!! how could u just throw them away! and not care.

i cant stop crying i dont want to imagine the things shes been throught. i dont want to think about it, i dont want to know.
right now i have one of her pics right next to the laptop. were together sitting together in our uniform and shes smiling! i feel so guilty, i feel so sorry.
i miss her i dont want to know anything i only want one thing right now.
i just want to hug her real tight. i just want to hug her. :`(

FAY where ever you are ... im still here ur not alone.