another break

i know i haven't been posting lately, but i can say that; maybe its better not to post at all than post depressing stuff ... im going to be away on my very much needed summer vacation.
hopefully when im back, ill feel fresher and better. i really miss my blog and miss u all.

take good care :*

raping my closet

*Update 3rd Aug: just got my clothes back! :)

my sleeping pattern is a complete mess but i really don't mind .. what i mind is this:
i was in bed 4:00pm someone keeps calling me .. i check the screen barely able to open my eyes and the light flashing in my face .. the caller is someone .. i don't know whats the relation title should be (supposed to be a friend - someone i know - an old woman i met - annoying person been trying to ditch)
so u pick! coz its all of the above .. long story bottom line is shes a a woman in her maybe late 40s or early 50s got kids and all .. got to know me apparently to help her out with shopping for her daughters ... or something else im still not sure .. very very annoying and never takes no for an answer. so i simply decide to press the silent button .. she calls again and again an again 5 missed calls all in like two mins!! so i start to worry thinking maybe its an emergency and i unfortunately pick up!

me: hellooo -very sleepy voice-
her: ooowww ur asleep when did u wake up
me: the phone was ringing and it woke me up.
her: ok i just wanted to ask .. where do u get ur fancy wedding dresses from?
-so i pause and think, theres no way I'm gonna say i got any of them from Kuwait coz shell want to drag me there with her.
me: well my recent dresses are from Italy and London nothing from Kuwait.
her: oh really!! well what can i do i need dresses for my daughter shes invited to a wedding and she needs to find something real quick and i like nothing here in Kuwait.
me: i have no idea im afraid i cant help ..
her: ok is it ok if i drop by today just to see ur clothes! I'm just gonna come to take a look thats all!
me: :S -wtf-
her: is it ok??
me: so u want to take a look at my clothes?
her: yess just a quick look ..
me: yeah sure 5alty 7ayach .. -weirdo-

i hang up go back to sleep was around 4:15 in ten minutes the bell is ringing :S my brother knocks the door and says "theres a woman with her daughter waiting for u outside"
@@

i jump out of the bed freshin up real quick wear what ever i found lying there on the couch pulled my hair up and went to her she was waiting for me in the living room!!

i say hi .. ask her if she needs something to drink she says no thanks I'm fasting!! -fasting and got here in 10 mins! wow!

anyways ill try and make it short some how .. as soon as we sit she asks where are ur dresses??
so i get up .. pissed as hell and ask her to wait.

i go to my closet room, and i start looking at my precious dresses all of them innocently hanging in there! who's gonna be the victim .. so i had to choose .. four dresses at least just to shut her up.. all so nice sleek and simple .. didn't want to give away anything special :p
but all my babies are special :`( anyways i go there
and then she starts examining them:

her: hmmmmm .. is this what u wear?!
me: yes
her: they're soooo simple!! they're soo plain nothing on them!
me: yes that's my style i like keeping it simple.
her: well they don't even show that their designers clothes!
me: well i don't like that either.
her: ok. -totally didn't like them-
me: -YES!- plan worked!

then she says : ok then go get me a big bag so i can take them with me...
me: @@ take them!!! u want to take them??
her: yes .. my daughter will need to see them so that she could choose what she likes best.
me: -look at her daughter- ok which one do u like best?
her daughter: oh no ... im not invited to the wedding its my other sister. shes back home.
me: -!!! omg - so u want all four?
her: yes all four .. shell just want to take alook at them, if she liked any of them i might do the same design for her :S
me: so u will take the design ..
i look down with nothing in mind to say i was speechless .. its too late now. so i walk to my room again and get the dress bags .. i put them all in and give her the bags. she then looks up with a smile on her face and says:

her: what about ur daywear .. whats the latest fashion what have u been wearing?
me: :S -is she fucking kidding me- what do u mean?
her: u know what do u wear when u go out? i want to see.
me: i don't wear anything special all casual and simple really .. some are sport .. nothing special.
her: yes yes bring them i want to see.
me: theres nothing to see .. I've been going with comfortable look lately all H&M style summer clothes plain and simple .. nothing worth showing.
her: ok .. its ok i just want to see ..

i then walk in again and look at my precious closet! i again took the simplest plainest thing i had! like long tank tops .. plaaaain plaaain cotton stuff .. again they were four pieces all the same design.

i come out and show her ... she of course frowned .. since the person i know she exaggerates with her clothes usually.

her: omg ... they're all the same! and they're very very plain!!! soo simple!! nothing really..
me: yes i told u ..
her: i remember i saw u in many occasions wearing very special beautiful designs .. where are they?
me: :s - quick quick think of something - well i don't have them anymore i gave them away
her: u gave them away!!
me: every year i recycle my closet and give away clothes to the poor and some to the maids .. so i don't have what ur talking about.
her: hmmmmm .. ok fine .. ill take these too .. just bring another bag.
me: @@ u want to take them too!! u just said u didn't like them!
her: no its fine .. im sure theyy look nice if worn. and dont worry by tomorrow this time i will send the driver over he will return all ur clothes back!

-F*CK- OK ,,,

so defeated i march in put all in bag and give it to her! she takes them and leave ...
i felt .. violated!! lol i don't know how to describe it .. but someone just came in woke me up took my clothes .. insulted my sense of fashion and took my clothes and left! not to mention lied to me bout the just take a look part!

so there u go .. best part of the story its been FIVE days so far and no driver came over to drop them! i called her three times so far her mobile is always switched off! AND someone else i know said something about her .. having a new tailor and that she plans to have an exhibition in her place!!! so now everything makes sense.
she needed designs to sell .. and i came to mind.

anyways i felt like i needed to share this incident .. since i don't know why these kinda awkward stuff keep happening to moi!

miss u all hope everyone is well.. tip of the day .. keep ur closets locked and when someone asks just say u lost the key :p

pale blue

silence breaks when ever ur here
warmth lingers.
i can hear drops of air sink in my ear
-threatened-
this is not how it will always be.
i might not be there when one day u decide to look up,
or listen ... to me.
when i stare at you and see nothing but you!

lungs warm the air we breathe in,
but ur heart is made of crushed ice


*ps: bout my previous post .. thanks for ur comments .. and for those who asked it has nothing to do with divorce .. 29 years of marriage then she passes away .. he never wanted to take it off .. kept it for four years. its off now because he had to wear a new one.

happy days

mashallah June and July are packed with weddings ... everyone is either dancing .. dressing up or getting hitched! which is depressingly happy ..

coz when u get alot of happiness all at the same time .. seems bit weird ..
but i really did enjoy all of them .. the look on the mothers faces makes it all worth it!
specially when they cry :`)

speaking of emotions .. I've been through the most emotional week in my life, i think .. i needed to see a doctor because its been so emotional .. i cant eat.

one of the things I've seen was .. a heart being pulled out of someones chest .. with out having to touch it or surgically remove it. i have seen him take off his ring .. after 33 yrs of wearing it, after it became part of him, he took it off. u some how wish for that person to be happy inshalah .. some how.

i have also looked into the eyes of someone who's in "pain" .. and they stared back. when u really look into someones eyes u feel they're naked .. u just see whats inside, their head and heart .. when u touch their hands u know its all real. ur hand becomes their safe warm nest .. makes u forget all whats bad in the world, you experience feelings and emotions that are one of gods miracles.

I'm so thankful for the pain i get, the tears that wet my cheeks and burns my eyes, love that warms my heart and joy that brings butterfly's to my tummy.. all so simple but its life's great way of reminding me I'm live .. I'm so living this life .. living it to the core.

a 100 No3iks

*i took this pic in india, so this is an indian redbull :p

1- im very social sometimes i think its a problem how social iam.
2- i have the worst memory on earth.
3- my friends keep giving me or caryying my stuff (keys-walet-glasses-shoppingbags-bag) because i always leave and forget them.
4- im not a food person i dont have a favorite dish.
5- i used to hate jap food, i still do ... maki is different ;)
6- i love eating cereal at anytime of the day.
7- my favorite color is green, and i love green olives :q.
8- i hate sneding smss .. i rather make the call instead.
9- im very honest. when i cant be honest i just shutup.
10- wiritng to me is like breathing. i write even when i know i wont publish i just need to write.

11- im 25 and so happy cant wait to be 26! ;)
12- i quit my job :) only coz i didnt quit on being ambitious
13- i love traveling.
14- i want to learn italian.
15- i want to learn the guitar.
16- i love italain guys.
17- im very slow when i type in arabic.
18- when it comes to love .. i fall and i keep on falling .. to me love shouldnt have a bottom.
19- i dont like kids.
20- i love writing but not so good with reading.

21- i love photography more than reading! i want to become a professional photographer one day.
22- i hate arab advs! theyre very racist and sexist.
23- im a feminist.
24- im petite.
25- when i travel many think im "italain" ;) always makes my day!
26- i want to go to the gym but i always find an excuse not to.
27- i used to want to gain some weight but not anymore.
28- i have a degree in english literature.
29- i want to do my masters in photography. or advs.
30- i want my future son to be just like 7ason bason, doda :)

31- i want my future daughter to be just like me :)
32- i dont know why but i feel sorry for paris hilton!
33- i love LOVE LOVE superman! "mr.roth"
34- i love wirting poetry.
35- india so far is the most alive place i have ever seen.
36- italy is the country i wish i was born in.
37- 300 was the sexiest movie ive ever seen.
38- i have lost my mother when i was 21.
39- im still not over my mom, i dont think ill ever be.
40- my favorite thing to do when travel is take long long random walks.

41- i love shoes. just like most girls do.
42- i think fat ppl should go on a diet.
43- i think smokers should quit.
44- i dont like the fact im writing "i" in each point!
45- i love giving/receving hugs!
46- i love painting too .. i have a general interest in art.
47- my favorite chickflick is "never been kissed"
48- my first chick flick was "untamed heart" cried my eyes out for a week.
49- i love "cold play" and "snow patrol"
50- i watch: sex and the city - greys anatomy - prison break - lost - heroes and jericho - scrubs

51- i cant swim, i saw jaws when i was very young! im still afraid of the water.
52- i used to be disgusted by roaches, not after i have watched "joes apartment" now i just feel sorry for them. theyre just soo ugly!
53- i started blogging out of .. not bordom .. but wanted to piss someone off :p
54- i love nail polish.
55- im 158cm 49kls.
56- i dont find facebook addictive.
57- i have a problem with our traditins, most of them dont make sense at all!! just trying to make life even more harder and miserable for everyone *specialy women.
58- i dont like using capital letters.
59- best time for making calls is when im driving.
60- going to "dans le noir?" was a life changing experiance.

61- meeting up with total strangers and making them friends is a habit of mine.
62- i tend to trust ppl quickly! bad .. very bad.
63- im an aquariuos and i love the number 6.
64- i like to keep my shoes in their boxes. oh and im a size 37 ;p
65- i dont know how to cook! im bad at cooking by nature.
66- i have friends 5 years younger than i and friends 20 years older than i. age to me is just a number. i literaly believe in that.
67- i dont like to rush things.
68- i have a very cold temper, but when im angry .. im scary! i rarely get angry.
69- i used to have a huge crush on eminem, did an entire presentation bout him :p
70- im a huge fan of vampires .. did an entire presentation bout them too! theyre so hot!

71- i dont care if its 2007 or 2700 i dont like gay ppl im not ok with them, its eew!
72- i love it when ppl smile :)
73- when i wakeup in the morning , im usually happy and in a good mood.
74- i love dancing.
75- i dont like "roasting" ppl. its a common thing in kuwait. its not for me. (roasting = `6a`3a6)
76- i dont like it when ppl call other ppl "om flan" or "obo flan"! keep ur first names!
77- i find it very very bad! that some marrried couples dont like holding hands in public! or showing emotions! when ur in love .. ur in love. no place or ppl should matter. as long as ur not taking it too far :p
78- my skin color has been called "caffeoleou" i just love how it sounds ;)
79- my favorite book is million little pieces!
80- im addicted to www.thesuperficial.com im in love with the writers sense of humor he CRACKS! me up!

81- im "addicted" to red bull.
82- my worst habbit is biting my lips.
83- im very picky when it comes to food or drinks.
84- i love having my drinks with no ice, if not then crushed ice, and always add mint!
85- i drink a big cup of black tea everyday!
86- that is why i think im anemic.
87- every two weeks i have to catch a cold or get a soar throat. illnes is becoming a life style of mine.
88- im allergic to our weather ( dust - sun - heat - ac ) i have many allergies im familiar with most alergy pills ( fludrex - zyrtec - claritine - sinus ) non of them work by now!
89- my favotire cologne ( unforgivable ) makes my heart melt! *guys go get it! trust me ;)
90- 29th-june-05 was the happiest day of my life :)

*i cant belive i have 10 points left to write! that was fast!*

91- i hate the number (111) or anynumber with too many (1s) i hate it when the time is 11:11. gives me a very bad feeling.
92- its a dream of mine to one day publish a book :)
93- ppl tell me i look like "jennifer love hewitt - amanda peet and eva green".
94- i dont like change.
95- i like pizza.
96- best fa6ayir is fa6ayir al 3ali :p
97- im very bad at teaching! i hate teaching.
98- i like ppl who look at the eyes when u talk.
99- i would never hang up the phone on anyone no matter what!
100- im a huge fan of wa6aneya and blogger :) i hate word press and mtc ;p

*after reading do i need to mention that im also a bad speller ;p

*ps: mi7sino doda!! HAPPY BIRTHDAAAAAY :) 16-6-07 maaan just wanna say .. u are really the best ;)

red sand

sprinkled golden stars
beaded on the dark velvet curtains of night.
rays of silk descends as light, of day
gives life to what is already alive.
water and soil, stone and leaf ...
more alive than some people are.
a smile and a blank face,
nothing to hide,
faces are very real,
their eyes are their souls.
you are the heart of this earth.

*to india

im back

i know i said a week .. and its been a month!
my trip to India was a life changing experience.
but things have happened .. many things .. life is just testing me i guess.
testing how much i can take and how much i can carry.
and in return im testing it as well .. testing how much further it can go.
i have missed blogging i have missed you .. i miss writing.
i think im back .. i wish to be back. hoping everyone is well i know now is finals times.
so good luck with that .. and congrats to those who are done with exams. congrats to those who graduated ;)

love u :*

OMG!!!!

*Update 1-5-07*
Dear everyone :) i will be away for a week.
will miss u all so very mucuh :*
like always doda will be taking over.
Namaste

"DEAR CUSTOMER UR NUMBER IS DISCONNECTED U NO LONGER CAN MAKE CALLS" :@

i just want to kill wa6aneya for doing this to me! so get this story u will NOT believe what happened to pooor lil ol me :``(

i call 121:

me: did u disconnect my line again with out sending me any warning or msg!!
how many times do i have to tell u ppl JUST send me a msg and ill go pay! i cannot predict the future just tell me and ill pay u dont just disconnect my line like that. -i hate bad surprises!!-
him: ok ... calm down! inshalah we will do this the next time,, im putting a note for u right here.
me: -hhhhhhhhhffftttt- ok tell me how much should i pay now .?
him: 152kd
me: ok, thanks bye.

i getonline watany bank .. transfer money and pay online .. that was around 2pm thursday. same day it got disconnected.
i wait till its 6pm my line is still not active @@ so

i call 121 again

me: yes plz i paid my bill and im wondering why is my line still disconnected?!
him: u didnt pay!
me: YES! i did!! i paid like 4 hours ago ..
him: did u pay the entire amount..
me: i exactly paid 152 kd.
him: well im looking at ur charts and theres nothing here.. im sorry but u didnt pay ,.. maybe the system needs time to load check with us in an hour.

after three hours .. and still no service :@

me: HELLO!! plzzz whats going on! u said an hour and its been three hours could u plzzz reactivate my line ..
him: but u didnt pay i cannot reactivate it!
me: i PAID! its ur system that is slow!! go check some where else i dont know..
him: did u pay via internet ..
me: yes
him: which bank?
me: alwatany
him: ok ask them to send us a fax that the money did transfer to us. on this fax number ok.
me: -hhhhhhhhhffffffffftttttttttttttttt- ok!!!
him: as soon as u they send the fax, call me.

watany bank - tirrin tirrin -

him: hello how may i help u
me: yes plz . i paid today around 2pm transfered money to a phone line and they need u to send them a fax .. to prove that i paid! :s
him: ok ,, look .. stay with me online .. i will use the machine and i will be pressing numbers .. but u stay online dont hang up. when the machine ask for ur number enter it, the pin enter it, the fax number enter it ...
me: comprende.
him: -machine starts .. for arabic press one , for customers press 1, for account services press one, for madre shino press 1 for madre shino press 2 or 3 !!! it took us maybe 5 mins just to reach the number he wanted :S so then he ask me quickly enter the account number!
me: - omg shino hatha - ok i did ...
him: now enter the pin ... now enter the fax number ...
me: - are we gonna finish in this life time!!!-
him: -oooowwwwww- @@
me: what???
him: im sorry i pressed the wrong number .. we will have to repeat all of that .. plz wait again
me: @@ NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! mn 9igga!!!! :s :s :S shino hl system al mota5alif al `3abi .... !!!!!!
- so i wait another 15 mins!!! pressing stupid numbers on a very long long stupid list!!!! and the fax is finally sent

NOW .. i contact the frickin 121 to tell them the fax is sent!! so i call them I SENT THE FAX!! but there is no fax!!! BUT I SENT IT!!
yes but we didnt get it :@ :@ :@
ENTO MN 9IGKUM!!
him: call us with in an hour it will maybe arrive by then.

i call after an hour and ahalf

me: did u get the fax ..?
him: no sorry nothing yet!! u may call us in an hour it will maybe arrive!!
me: why do i have to call .. u just check with in an hour !!
him: no its better if u call to remind us .. i may forget to check .. u just call.
me: -- u lazy &$^&$%&- so i have to call or u wont check!
him: yes.

i call after an hour:

me: DID U GET THE FAX?
him: im sorry no, are u sure u paid .. i dont think u paid .. coz in our system its not showing that u paid.
me: are u saying u want me to pay TWICE!
him: well maybe u think the money got trasfered and it didnt..
me: no it did .. i checked the account the money was trasfered immediately.
him: i cant do anything unless i get the fax.
me: what am i supposed to do now!
him: call from time to time check if we get the fax or not .. or u can call al watany bank ask them to send another fax .. maybe they didnt send it!
me: @@ im not gonna call them again!! and the fax got sent i heard it get sent with my own ears!

I CALL THE NEXT DAY!

me: 121 u mother ^$$^$%&&** DID U GET THE FAX!
him: no ,, we did not .. im sorry ... when did u send it
me: last night!
him: ooh last night doesnt count. u have to send another fax for today!!! :s :S

SCREW IT! hell with u, hell with the number, hell with the fax, hell with the company,
and hell with all these premitive systems weve got! the SLOWEST u could ever imagine!! and very annoying..
i was like making phone calls AS IF i work for them !! :S

i was late for over an hour to meet up with my friends, i couldnt get directions to where we were meeting!! i was totally lost and couldnt call them! :( -sorry girls :**-
NARFIZOOOOOOOOOONI !! if i was in the US i woulda sued them fo wrecking my nerves!! u know being nervous causes women to get wrinkles!!! now whos gonna pay for that! :p
ppl sooorry 3l hathraa .. adre thba7tkum i needed it OFFFF my chest :p
oh in case ur wondering i paid .. and the line stayed not working for three days!!
thats .. 72 hours! makes me wonder .. what kind of network theyre working on!

ive always been an advocate for them! and i still think they rule! totally better than MTC but they really need to work on their SUPER slow system.. we pay money we expect a good service. amazing how it doesnt take them a minute late to disconnect ur services but 72 hours to activate them after theyve been paid for!! .. its like they dont care.
bottom line:

WATANEYA YOU OWE ME A RELAXATION MASSAGE SESSION!!

my ghost

Haunting pain,
butchering my gut.
tears burning my skin,
year after year.
i shall never be the same,

i look at it,
and it looks at me.
-it looks down on me-
im its prisoner,
unworthy to be free.
i love it, but not enough.

will it ever let me be,
i kill it -softly, very softly-
it leans, to kiss my soul.
-reeking with poison-
it is part of what i have become.

shame, unbearable shame
-pulling my bones out of my flesh-
that will always find me.
life; do not be like you should be,
so that i remember:
what i have done.

what have i done ...

*ps: thank u my anonymous -italian guy- even thgouh i know ur not for real! u made my day :D

chcoco bar the sequal!

i don't know if its me!!
or the places i go to!!
or is it just chocolate bar? :p
hehehe every time i go something strange must happen! it is freakin scary,
this will be short .. but it wasn't short, trust me ,..

The Story

i and the girls sitting out side in choco bar! ok ... and then comes in this kuwaiti couple ,, very young .. not married, obviously, from the way the guy was hiding his face with his hat and the girl covering hers with her hair .. like two little guilty kids with stolen candy.

anyways .. they sit on the opposite corner where we were facing them ,, first they were cuddling sitting next to each other .. holding hands .. talking and laughing which is cute .. but still felt wrong .. then the girl .. gives us her back and lets her hair down .. all i could see was the guys head moving opposite to hers and his hands going through her hair!!
THEY WERE F*CKING KISSING IN CHOCOLATE BAR!!!
not a small kiss .. not a quick kiss ... kissing kissing ... like really there! and he kept on pulling her hair and head ..
i and the girls stopped eating LOL and our reaction was BURSTING into laughter!!!
we kept on laughing .. and the more they kissed the more we LAUGHED
this is sooooooooooooooooooooooo un usual i have never seen anything like this done in a public place in Kuwait!!
we kept on saying: OMG OMG OMG!! LOL LOL LOL WTH!!
hello! ppl do exist .. GET A ROOM !!!
literally our eyes teared from laughter .. it was crazy .. and they kept on and on and on ...
like we weren't even there ..! @@
then they left but we didn't .. we were just sooo astonished by the event to leave.

Moral of

sooooooooo ppl, this is the new trend now. Go to public places .. and french the hell out of each other! and put ur hands up in the air like u just don't care .. yeah yeah! :p -stupid dance-