Her

feeling of warmth,

The safety in someone's voice.

What I miss most, 

Holding a hand that knows the lines of yours more than you do.

What I miss even more,

Eyes able to delay your breathing for a second. 

It's in those insignificant things,
we choose to create worlds.

for our lonely souls, to live in.

I miss.

disposable

i need some water,
some water she said;
a forsaken desert,
a dead tree,
was stuck in my throat.
please, some water she said.

her heavy heart is bursting,
pounding, just let it be..
trying to escape its muscle?
breaking a rib maybe?
the heat flaming, from her chore
her hesitant soul.
cant think,or speak
all she can, and am is (be)
blood rushing reviving
every vein, every  inch,
every print traced on her skin.
a final hug to deteriorate
whats maybe left of her.
stepping all over-
all over her.
...
with a charming
relaxed grin, you breathe.
amused are you?

gold dead/broken fish

abood turned 4.. hes in KG now and both of us are doing our best at growing up .. trying to face what comes our way the best way possible. im learning soo much from him..  a long way is still ahead of me but its just very difficult at times.

today was one of those days .. where i was faced with a big lesson.. one that i wasnt and i dont think ill ever want to be ready for. abood had 4 gold fish as pets hed count them every day ... and feed them .. they dont have names theyre just his orange 4 fish.
this morning one of his orange fishes stopped swimming ..
he looked at it as it was floating .. looked at me and said "fish not swimming?"
i was silent for a moment .. didnt know what to say .. hes only 4 .. he doesn't know the word "Death" i dont want him to know this word! not now .. i dont want his innocence and happiness smeared with this dark concept of life and death
i looked at him and said "abood im sorry but the fish is broken"
he insisted we fix it .. and i kept telling him that it cant be fixed . we have to say goodbye to our broken fish.. he looked so sad .. he didnt want to say good bye ..
he then looked at me again and said "call doctor" "listen heart"
i wanted to cry .. i put him down away from the fish tank .. and asked to have it removed.. thats when he started crying.. insisting we take it to the doctor so he would listen to its heart and have it fixed.
i walked away.. in hopes that if i ignore the matter he will simply forget.
3 hours later he comes to me .. with a sad puppy face .. and says "mommy wheres broken fish"
i hated myself .. i had no idea what to do .. but thats how we grow up .. we get hurt and with that pain we discover new things in life.. so the pain has a reason, this is normal .. i should just let him understand that sometimes things we love get broken and theres nothing we can do to bring them back.right?

i caved in at the end.

got him a new one.. put it in the tank, he thanked me.. because "mommy fixed it".

ساهر الليل 3

so i guess i wasnt supposed to write a review based on just the pilot of حلفت عمري :(
they killed the young actors too soon ..  huda hussein probably was very eager to jump in and do the role too early on if u ask me .. shes not fit to play the role yet .. it is more suited to a younger actress (atleast with someone who has no wrinkles) they shouldve stayed with the young girl and simply  make her look older.. just for a few more episodes .. huda in my opinion is pushing it (her acting i mean) by trying to "Act" young when its not fitting her at all! its awkward seeing her trying to be all jumpy and moving a lot! its not like her at all. but im sure once the story progress the role will end up being perfect for her ;)

my other show for now,  im sure most of you are watching  "saher allail 3". how can we not be soo excited to watch something that involves us all!! the dark horrible but yet priceless days. the time when we were all kids .. i was 8 .. and i remember my mother once said "it scared our childhood" and now i know exactly what she meant. it is a scar .. but i think everyone who lived those days wear them very proudly now. a scar, a reminder of how much we love this country even though we didnt know any better we just loved it .. we witnessed people cry ..bleed,  get prisoned and die just because they loved it. all of us did .. none of now adays political nonsense would be even the tiniest bit acceptable if Kuwaitis wore the same hearts they did back then in 1990 .. this show really did take me back to memories that will never ever be forgotten but are simply now more alive and vivid since im being reminded of them.

back to the show .. im in love with the actors! theyre all doing an outstanding job! cast perfectly picked! again very impressed with the camera motion.. nothing that would give u a headache or anything, just right and professional.  the details .. the details.. its all in the details! their cars, bags and costumes! which most of it is already back on  trend but with a modern twist!
finally, the love story has always been the main attraction of all saher allail seasons! we are a very romantic society i think :p we thrive on love mushy stories! the thing that really stood out and i think most people noticed this season is the "script". its very- very realistic. its ok for actors to all talk at the same time in a realistic manner! the camera doesnt have to show each face individually when they speak! lol thank God we finally reached that level of great modern filming! they no longer talk to each other with one giving the other his back so theyd be both facing the camera! LOL that always killed me! and lastly .. the two young brothers .. im very bad with names i never remember the names .. but are skinny cute and funny! i just love their bond and how theyre always together! so im pretty happy with the shows i picked ..

will give the rest another try might end up with three shows .. i think three would be a good number out of the gazillion being aired!

again hope everyone is well ;) tc and tqabal allah.

حلفت عمري

mubarak 3laikom alshahar inshallah.
im really looking forward to the peace, quality time and to not go out as much factor. to reflect on ones self, but most importantly spend more time with Allah is always the highlight of this month.
it will also traditionally include more tv time, at least in my case,  since i dont regularly watch tv. yesterday i skimmed through most of the promising tv shows.. and was glued to the screen the minute "حلفت عمري" aired!

 it starts in a very delicate manner, gently introduces you to a simple small Kuwaiti neighborhood in the 50s, it warms your heart up to fall in love with this sweet teenage cute couple on a rainy day. their innocence was something that our screen have missed for a very long time. my favorite moment was the scene where the boy drops off a dish for the girls mother, just so that they can see each other, she was stealing a peak at him all the way from the back. he could only take a few glances  (very quick split shy full of excitement seconds ) but meant the world to both of them!.. all of that while still trying to carry a fake but funny conversation with her mother! this scene was very short but was executed in a way that would stay with you for a while.. the feelings and butterflies were all very genuine. i couldnt help but smile the whole time. this show is "very good" when it comes to directing, shooting, filtering, acting, script, actors, costumes, makeup, story and location!!! even the motion of the camera was very steady and calm that made a perfect balance with their background music. im in love with its details! all their hard work and attention to details really did pay off! all the vintage things and furniture made it all look so relaxing and beautiful to the eye. it also compliments the story line and translates it in its own unique way.

i hope they would give the young couple more time on the show before they growup!  theyre soo adorable! im also looking forward to them growing up, since huda hussein is playing the role! shes a promising actress! all the best to her and the creators of this show :)

you can watch it on MBC Drama @ 3:00 pm and on Kuwait 1 @9:30 pm
wishing everyone a blessed month.

Big three O

  Its been a while since my last post, something major happened since then. I was saying my final goodbyes to my 20s. I honestly thought id react differently for turning 30 but to my surprise im happy im finally moving out, it kind of felt it took forever! with everything going on with my life, it seems like the perfect time to move on and try something new. For a newb im feeling ok. its weird to see the number 3 ill admit to that but at the same time i feel like we have an understanding, it knows its just a number and i know i should respect it, just be myself. After all, we are still the same people, only with more wise and fun stories to tell :p to all the ones born in the early 80s dont worry about it! its not that bad, if not good even! its been treating me very well so far alhimdellah.

one of the good things that happened to me in my (ehm) 30s so far is Instagram. its more than just an app and its more than just taking pics.. i finally have the chance to do one of the things im most passionate about in my life. i simply love... photography! i no longer have the time or energy to deal with my SLR so this! was just the perfect answer to my subconscious prayers i guess! if there are any instagramer readers out there let me know, i would love to check out ur work! you can find me on instagram under the name: zalbaghli. you can also check out my work on the website  http://instacanv.as/ what they do is turn instagram photos into canvas! piece of art! whats even cooler is that ive been featured on their website as one of the top 20 highlighted artists!! was a great honor :) or you can directly check out my gallery through http://instacanv.as/zalbaghli

anyways.. gotta go pickup abood from daycare! hope all is well and take care! (kisses)

True Inspiration (Hamed Alrefaei)

- young Picasso Hamed @ his workshop -

i will start this post with Masha Allah ..
on jan 22nd, at mini boutique in adaileya .. i was busy shopping for bokhor, bags, necklaces and everything pretty in between, the last thing i expected to get from there was "inspiration".
as i entered the last room in the boutique, it was kind of unique; in the front was a huge display table of jewelery, on the right side was a display table of all kinds of pashmenas and scarves. Finally, hanged all around the room were big and small very colorful creative paintings. they were the first thing that got my attention, so i asked whos work is this? a woman said "theyre her Italian friends" later on i was greeted by a fine, petite very beautiful young lady, showing me the pashmenas i was checking out, she then very casually started pointing out the paintings; "these are the work of my son Hamed"! i pause and look at her with a huge question mark on my face?! and asked her but how old is your son?! and is he Italian?!! she smiled and said (hes 7 years old) and i truly honestly believed that they were the work of an Italian artist! Mashallah. -just to clarify the misunderstanding; the jewelery line was designed by their Italian friend not the paintings-

- this is my personal favorite called "the beautiful" -

Back to young Picasso Hamed, this boy is a real talent.. his work and creativity are mind blowing, his passion is so inspiring and heart warming. we went through his entire work, she showed me his portfolio in an album decorated with colored ice cream sticks! i loved each an every detail that i saw .. what i loved the most was his parents (specially his mother since shes the one i met) how dedicated and encouraging she was. she told me he started to paint from the age of 3 (esmila 3laih).. she began that early on to encourage his talent and take it seriously. which got me thinking, the first thing that she must have done differently was - notice - his talent and paid attention to him, instead of asking him not to make a mess and put all the colors away from a 3 year old kid! she - encouraged - him and - provided - him with what ever he needed, the material and space but most of all she gave him confidence and respect. she let him paint what ever he wanted with out interfering with his ideas colors or concepts. Im sure they talked about each painting after he finished, im sure she hanged them on the wall to appreciate his hard work. hes self taught but i believe his mother and father were his school :) emsila 3laihom. thats all what our children need, their parents believing in them, taking them seriously and giving them what they need; which is both love, attention and a nurturing environment

- the Queen of Birds -

we talked alot and i really enjoyed every moment of our conversation, I just wished for Hamed to be there so i could just tell him how proud im of him and wish for my kids to be just like him one day :) best of luck to you little Hamed... you are truly a great inspiration to us all. o Allah ewafgik o ya7fithik inshallah.. where for your lovely parents, they are great roll-models, and i have learned already a lot from them, inshallah will do my best to encourage my kids in the future to show their best in their interest :)

again thank you for your time, wish u guys all the best!

this is hameds facebook page and his twitter ! dont miss it!

No3ik (heart) Cinescape

i know its been a while, most of you maybe forgot about it.. but i sure haven't .. i was still hoping and waiting.. well, al7imdellah it finally happened :)
after my first post in 2010, and their first reply to it..this is their last update!

Cinescape got back to me with this message:

"Cinescape

Cinescape Presents Tuesday Kids Day

POLICY: Free entry for children younger than 3 years only on Tuesday! Note: Children may not occupy a seat – one child per guardian

Sorry for taking a while, but we have studied the request and now you may attend the Cinema with your kids FREE OF CHARGE and you will not be embarrassed anymore from the kids screaming and excitement in the Cinema!

11/1/12 12:05 PM"

here is their official announcement of it

Biggest thank you from me to all your hard working staff! and im sure from all the mommies and daddies in kuwait! this is much appreciated! thanks again for taking in consideration what your customers want!

hope everyone is well.. and enjoy the movies.. with ur kids of course ;*

My BP

i think its finally time that i face up and post about u.
(my heart)
has been for the past year pumping way too much blood into my stream.. its been working it self out more than it should .. and thats what they call "hypertension" bl 3rabi (thagh6 3ali)
it started a month after we moved back to kuwait feb 2011.. been nothing but cups and needles, scans and xrays .. ive seen sooo many doctors that i cant remember them all.. they all tell me that its un usual.. for my profile (a fit healthy young person with no family history) to have this problem. they would dread starting me on bp (blood pressure) pills, since u have to commit to them for a life time, and they have many side affects. so i wait .. and wait .. and waited for a year now.

it gets better at times, but at others for no reason at all would sky rocket.. the normal bp readings are 120/80 .. mine reached 171/120 .. which is considered very high and dangerous. they recently installed a bp reader.. that would monitor my bp for 24 hrs.. it takes it every 30 mins.. and from that reading my doctor said will be able to give his final verdict.. which came out yesterday.

at first i was told that there are two types of hypertension: a. secondary b.essential.
90% of people with hypertension are essential (usually are people over 50 with bad food diets/ over weight) the other 10% the secondary (usually are the young ones, who dont fit in the hypertension description but are in it for a secondary reason. they do a full investigation to find out whats the main reason triggering it, thats what ive been doing for the past year.. the investigation came back normal.. everything was healthy and normal al7imdellah.. which meant more question marks?! thats what brought my doctor to the 24hr monitor to determine what should be done for now at least, to help us make a decision.

im supposed to be in the 10% category but so far im not .. the 90% category which i dont fit it.. are the ones who get high blood pressure when stressed and usually goes down when they sleep or relax.. from the 24hr monitoring my readings were that my high blood pressure was at its highest (peak) when i was asleep! lol whcih raised the doctors eye brows.. and said this is strange.. you have "reversal hypertension"! which is rare.. and very dangerous.

so my case just keeps getting.. more complicated! im supposed to start taking meds asap since it peaks during my sleep, oh and thats why its nicknamed (the silent killer). my father on the other hand, doesnt want me to take the pills because he knows what they can do on the long run.. im in a place where im fed up and tired of getting second opinions.. i just want to be there for my kids.. i will do what ever needs to be done, for now atleast, to inshallah be around for them.. even if it meant taking these bad pills. (my dear dad) requested i wear the 24 hr monitor again just to compare end results and see how accurate they were. if they match.. he said; ill ask you my self to take the pills.

thats what im doing today inshallah .. i have no idea why i wrote all of the above.. but im sure my body and mind did it for a good reason, maybe it helps, i swear this blog has an affect on my soul that only a real blogger would understand :) for u guys out there! all the best!

mi7sin

i learned one thing for sure .. to never take anything or anyone for granted; no matter how much u love or trust them .. no matter how close u are .. "never" is a sure never in this case to take anything for granted.

i cant help but smile when ever i remember us .. how we knew exactly what we wanted .. how we made fun of each others interests and could talk about the silliest of things! it was great, fun and just nice to have that kind of friendship where you feel comfortable and safe. i always used to say and pray "i wish for my son to growup and be exactly like u" and i meant each word back then, i truly did .. thats how special u were.

and thats how hurt and disappointed im today. that i, with out even knowing it.. just lost all of that.

but thats life right? keeps slapping us in the face and asking us to grow up, toughen up, move on or stand up after a fall.. call it what ever u want to.. at the end its something heavy, painful that no one can ever be prepared for

life is also very smart, full of surprises and likes to keep things interesting by its unexpected order, the fact that the son i wished ud be like is 3.5 years old now .. and is getting help with his speech delay from the one and only.. your dear beautiful sister D. isnt life just amazing!! i couldnt have asked for a friendlier face, a kinder heart, and an awesomer friend for my son! who is just as in love with her as im :) alf al7imdellah ya rab.. im truly blessed and thankful for everything u brought my way, when ever im put in pain.. u send me such care and love.

this post was a big thank you wrapped in a sad memory (unfortunate but still dear disappointment) thats how we grow.. thats how we learn and thats how we make sure we never forget. All the luck and happiness inshallah to u.