clinging and choking ...
hugging u, releasing the pain,
swallowing my tears,
stroking and sobbing ...
soaking ur fears.
the more i try to push it down,
the more it fights to rise up.
i don't want to look at you.
i couldn't bear the feeling,
not being able to see u -and ur kids- when ever i want to.
so i keep pushing it down,
for your sake, not mine.
as it tries to surface up again,
the pain was resting on my bare lungs.
it hurts ... the burn, the ache,
i held it in again.
i was suffocating;
my heart racing,
my blood raging.
my throat turned in to steel,
i can no longer speak or tear.
i was going to throw up my own heart,
as i kept choking on it.
instead, i never got to even say goodbye.
*ps: to my beloved sister, u have no idea how much i will miss u, inshallah we will see you next year .. take good care of yourself and the kids :*
