Tuesday, September 04, 2007

can't let go


clinging and choking ...
hugging u, releasing the pain,
swallowing my tears,
stroking and sobbing ...
soaking ur fears.
the more i try to push it down,
the more it fights to rise up.
i don't want to look at you.
i couldn't bear the feeling,
not being able to see u -and ur kids- when ever i want to.
so i keep pushing it down,
for your sake, not mine.
as it tries to surface up again,
the pain was resting on my bare lungs.
it hurts ... the burn, the ache,
i held it in again.
i was suffocating;
my heart racing,
my blood raging.
my throat turned in to steel,
i can no longer speak or tear.
i was going to throw up my own heart,
as i kept choking on it.

instead, i never got to even say goodbye.


*ps: to my beloved sister, u have no idea how much i will miss u, inshallah we will see you next year .. take good care of yourself and the kids :*

17 comments:

toosha said...

7bebty ban wallah al3athem bacheteni cauz t'7yalt e'7tee toto btro7 away 4 along time wallah 3la 6ooool nzlet dmo3ee :"(

allah yrdha lech belsalamah o b3den eshfech?? klmeha bel "net" o shofeha bel web cam >>life become soo ezeee

love u 7obe o miss u soOOoOoo much :*

Reem said...

:( 7bebty!!
i'm so sorry!!
the poem hurts! very emotional!

allah ya7fe'9ha o yrdha lekom! this is life my dear.. allah y3eenkom :*
love u 7bebty :* -hugs-

Atinzad said...

It is sometimes hard to explain how one feels but you got it on target.

When i read i felt it... you have a talent where one not only reads your words.. but feels it and makes it ones own.

Inshalla she will come back salma and hopefully you will get to see her.

um-miT3ib said...

welcome baack !!

Maze said...

terja3 bil salama enshalla...i missed u much!

do0da said...

inshala ull get a chance to see her b4 that and until then il7imdila its not that hard to stay in touch with ppl these days plus next year will be here b4 u knw it =]

3baid said...

Inshallah you'll get to see her ASAP.

G.Q.™ said...

No3ik .. you are still romantic fe zaman matat feeh el romanciya.

shrayich fel 7achi elkbeer? :P

NoNoWa said...

These things happen hun.

I am so sorry that u didnt get a chance to say goodbye, but u can always give a call at least for now and when she comes back, u will have your chance to see her again.

I have the same thing going on with my brother now- I never got to say goodbye either.......but he doesnt even write back anymore......what to do....

Ghasheema said...

mbarak 3alich alshahar sweetie....ow inshallah ayamich kelaha khair ow baraka ya rab...ow allah ytqabal a3malich inshallah :)

Missy-TheOriginal said...

Happy Ram Noobie!!

It must be hard being away from her but distance makes your hearts grow more fonder. I'm sure you will get to see her soon enough.

Luv u :****

O wain ili byi6la3?!!!:[ :P

NewMe said...

saying goodbye to your loved ones...
the pain...
the echo in our emptiness...
the void they leave behind...
would never be easy...
no matter how hard we try...
may you get to see them soon...
i am too being left behind...
but the words can't begin to explain how i feel...
best wishes...

No3iK said...

*tooosha:
7abebty first of all im sorry for keeping u waiting for this long.
but as u know i was extremely busy with stuff and ramadan .. bs now im mback al7imdellah and things are looking up.
thanks for ur support and ur beautiful comment .. i know u know how it feels .. and having u as a friend make it all so very different and easier to handle. so thanks :* and welcome to my blog girl .. u rock! ;)

*reem:
alah esalmich sweety and thanks for ur very heart felt prayers .. :* -hugs-

*atinzad:
thanks ,, ur comment .. touched me .. coz i have always wondered how the readers felt .. i sometimes worry that i might lose them in some of my lines .. but im glad that at least one of my special readers is on track ;) thanks.

*um mit3ib:
b3d 3mre :* 3ash mn shafich.

*maze:
thanks mazoo ,, same here.

*doda:
well thanks bs .. easy said than done .. coz time is soo not going fast and i miss the kids more than i even imagined.

*3baid:
thank u .. :) uve been missed.

*g.q:
roo7 nam ;p

*nonowa:
allah e3enich .. i dont know what to say but i think we cant understand what they go through
i mean ever since she left i thought wed be more in touch .. but its simply not as simple as we expect to be .. even getting online can be hard for them .. they run totally different life styles .. not like the ones were used to. inshalah hell be back soon and things wil be back to normal 7bebty :* for now .. allah e3ena kilina inshalah.

*ghasheema:
9ig anich san3a ;)
3laina o 3laich babes thanks.

*missy:
b3d 3mre thanks ..

enzain u never called!!
call 5oooo i still wanna see u ..

*newme:
i always look forward to ur comments.
thank u for sharing that with me :*
best wishes to u to.

Ra7aLaH said...

7adhaa 3jbtnee il photo! oo it goes with the poem!

Amz said...

That was raw emotion ripped out, chilled, unpolished unedited not re phrased to fit and just typed out on screen as felt.

...good to know some of us still have that ability :)

No3iK said...

*ra7alah:
thank u :) good to know the very long hours i take to find the right pic, pay off ;)

*amz:
its even better to know that ur still around and that u read me :) thank u.

Earlene said...

Good post.