Wednesday, March 05, 2008

yes, its me ...

hey mom,
how are you .. its been very long since weve last talked ..
well technicaly its now 4 years 6 months and 19 days.
i wonder bout ur life alot .. what do u do everyday ?
hows ur hair now? what do u wear? do u have friends?
do u hear/see me .. ? or is it all a myth?
i sometimes wonder if u even remember me?

you have no idea how much i need u right now specialy now .. my life has been changing alot .. many many things .. most of them things u wanted for me .. and now theyre all happened/happening .. but ur not here to see or share them.

i cant get over the last nite i spent with you, how u asked me to curl up in ur lap and stroked my hair just like i was 5 years old again! u just wanted us to have mommy/daughter special time .. i sometimes think that u knew that i wasnt going to see you the next morning, but u didnt want to tell me.
instead u gave me a great good nite kiss, and let me sleep. i dont want to remember waking up from that awful day.

life is funny, keeps taking then giving, thinking by giving its somehow making up for what it took ..

anyways mom ... i tried manythings to stay intouch with you .. everything .. so i thought i havent tried my blog .. lol i sometimes wonder if u guys up there have internet ?? well maybe u dont need it .. i bet if u had it ur connection would be way faster than ours!

so this is me childishly, hoping that in heaven u maybe have internet and that u will actually type http://www.no3ik.com/ knowing that its ur daughters blog and also knowing that shes posting something for u to read ..
but im not hoping ull comment back coz that would be too much to ask for ..

i love love love love love love u sooooooo much 7bebty ..
missssssing u like hell .. hoping ill see u .. please even in a dream
i need to see u ok :*
love u.

30 comments:

Anonymous said...

alah yer7amha.. oo ekoon eb 3oonich.. your post really touched me..

Atinzad said...

I reaaaallly really hope that you see her in your dreams. Inshalla you will and I hope whenever you want to see her and talk to her you can, when ever you miss her you would just go to bed and dream the wonderful dream.

Inshallah ya rab

..::Amu::.. said...

I really hope you see her in your dream.

Your post is so touchy :(

Allah yer7amha..

Hasan.B said...

Ala yer7maha. She is in heaven nshala enjoying her time. That was an excellent post

Dana said...

It must be hard.

I know you're a strong person and wanted to let you know that I'm so proud of how you've held up all these years and I am sure she would be so proud of who you have become today. You have so many blessings el7amdillah so keep holding on and who knows, maybe you'll see her one day...somehwere.

No3iK said...

*anon:
agma3en inshalah .. thanks dear :)

*atinzad:
ameeeeeen ... i had my share of dreams .. sometimes i dont want to wakeup from them.. but its been long since she visited me .. thanks for ur prayer :)

*amu:
yir7am amwatna agma3en inshalah
thanks amu .. thats sweet of u.

*hasan.b:
i hope she thinks so to :)
thanks man.

*dana:
if ur the dana .. "dana f." i know ..
tara i miss u wayid .. thanks for ur very very warm wishes :** im proud of u to.

MiYaFuSHi said...

Inshallah ya rab you get to see her in your dreams, tonight and any night that you need her, and inshallah you will wake up from those dreams happy and fulfilled.

Anonymous said...

I am sorry for your loss and I hope you do see her in your dreams. I just lost my father, and everyday I hope I can see him in my dreams. That way I wont forget the way he sounds...

intlxpatr said...

Sweetie, she is with you every single moment of every single day. She never stops caring about you.

It's probably one of the best posts you've ever written.

Big Pearls said...

ooooh you really touched my heart..allah yer7amha..I am sure she hears you and feels you dear..allah yad5elha fasee7 janatah

NoNoWa said...

Ohhh sweetie.....I am sorry for your loss.

Your post was really beautiful and I hope u see her----in your dreams. Just close your eyes and know that she is ok hun....

Allah yer7amha.......

eshda3wa said...

allah yr7amha inshallah
oo yjma3kom beljanah

Jewaira said...

Beautifully written and so moving no3ik.

um-miT3ib said...

shala3tay galby ib hal post

Ghasheema said...

I thought you needed to let those feelings out....and I am so glad you did...but I know she is more glad

I am sure teh angels will deliver your message to her :)

allah yr7amha inshallah

Marzouq said...

alah yer7ama o alah ekoon ib 3oonich. It is very heartfelt what you said and I can understand how you feel..

TOUCHE' said...

A heart moving post that every soul can relate to.

Thank you for reviving the heart and boosting up sweet memories and hopefully sweeter dreams.

Every time I yearn to a dream, I just close my eyes tightly and keep drawing all the details for the last 10 minutes before falling asleep while clearing my mind of everything else except for my breathes and those moments that I spend sculpting my imaginary monument and I end up never wanting to wake up because I holding too tight to my actual dream in the morning.

I hope those dreams become staples in your nights.

No3iK said...

MiYaFuSHi,anonymous, intlxpatr, big pearls, nonowa , eshda3wa, jewaira, um mit3ib, ghasheema, marzouq, touche..

everyone of u .. touched me and helped alot .. ur words were very much needed.
thank u ..

intlxpatr said...

Now we know why you really need your Mom . . .:-) She carried you just as you are carrying this baby. She talked with you before you were even born and treasured your presence in her life. She is still with you, just as you will always be a part of this baby.

No3iK said...

now u know :)

thanks :*

Hamitaf La B said...

I started to cry min your post...
Enshalla you see her in your dreams...
Allah yer7amha :(

kella met2a5er said...

...................OMG =(

Zainoba said...

Allah yer7amha, your post touched me so much! I hope u see her in ur dreams soon inshallah

Zi-One said...

allah yer7amha ..

Mrm said...

in all its simplicity, that was a beautiful reflection. i too hope ur mother is watching u from il janna.

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!!!

i hate u cauze i still remeber her voice the last time i called ur house she said: hala 7abebti..
me: hala '7alti eshlonch? ween banoo?? adg 3la tlfonha ma fe kart" as usual" ???
she said: degi 3liha foog b'3rfteha.

allah yr7mha yaaaaaarb o ysknha fseeee7 jnatah, 9ej m3a kel se6er agrah etdame3 3eni akther,,,
im here 4u dear

love u :* and sweeeeet dreams as u alwayes wish for...

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!!!

i hate u cauze i still remeber her voice the last time i called ur house she said: hala 7abebti..
me: hala '7alti eshlonch? ween banoo?? adg 3la tlfonha ma fe kart" as usual" ???
she said: degi 3liha foog b'3rfteha.

allah yr7mha yaaaaaarb o ysknha fseeee7 jnatah, 9ej m3a kel se6er agrah etdame3 3eni akther,,,
im here 4u dear

love u :* and sweeeeet dreams as u alwayes wish for...

Anonymous said...

OH MY GOD!!!!

i hate u cauze i still remeber her voice the last time i called ur house she said: hala 7abebti..
me: hala '7alti eshlonch? ween banoo?? adg 3la tlfonha ma fe kart" as usual" ???
she said: degi 3liha foog b'3rfteha.

allah yr7mha yaaaaaarb o ysknha fseeee7 jnatah, 9ej m3a kel se6er agrah etdame3 3eni akther,,,
im here 4u dear

love u :* and sweeeeet dreams as u alwayes wish for...

loco said...

alla yer7amha enshalla wa ya'3fer laha . wa enshalla teltegoon bel jana wa la t7aateen tara ehya kela ma3ach bedamha eb galbeech kel la7tha ma3ach !

No3iK said...

i saw her today :)

thanks all.