BAD. BAD. BAD.

I simply wake up, breathing heavily, almost cant breath, cant stretch my lungs. I keep thinking, i have to do it, i have to. I have to wake up, i have to open my eyes lift my body pull my legs put them on the floor.
i have to open my eyes, open my eyes. I have to switch off the snooze.
and so I do. the i have to`s are endless and they only add up as we move on from do to day.
the biggest have to do is that we have to live. we also have to live our best.

so i do wake up and i do go to work, been better before . sometimes i go to work smiling driving smiling. radio switched off good thoughts and still SMILING.
other days like today i just want to slap someone, or kick some ass. i don't know which would feel better ( i never did either).
for some unknown reason i feel TERRIBLE. I hate this i hate everything i even hate the birds on the tree. i hate the kids staring out the window. I hate walking into my office i hate logging online. so best thing i can do right now, is drink some Red Bull . i drink, drink...boost OK.
minutes... fading away... i hate that i like it, its terrible!
finally, work arrive and I'm on pause ( cut ). everything is blank, focus focus, on your work. not bad not good, its nothing.
my work is done......
i cant breathe gain, frustrated feeling bad, terrible again.
why do sometimes for absolutely no reason we feel really really bad.
in a female scenario, pmsing is the quickest easiest escape for an answer.
no its not the case, i know its not.
OK,
So i had friends over last night i had fun and laughed as soon as they left i want to slam the door and kick ass again!
i love these girls they are my best friends we meet once every week we talk on the phone every day
and i love them !! whats wrong with me? whats wrong with us!
i hate how their lives turning out, i expected much more, i want much more for them.
i know they can do better i want them to do better.
they have to!
again.... the have to`s
am i judgmental, am i hard to please, am i asking for a lot, am i just a ........
i don't know.
maybe that's why I'm so pissed! maybe.
i love u girls, i really do.
i just feel bad bad bad............................i know i have to feel good and i will
for the time being I'm sticking with BAD.
then i go back and drink another Red Bull.

note: pic attached is irrelevant, i just liked it.