Sunday, April 30, 2006

BAD. BAD. BAD.



I simply wake up, breathing heavily, almost cant breath, cant stretch my lungs. I keep thinking, i have to do it, i have to. I have to wake up, i have to open my eyes lift my body pull my legs put them on the floor.
i have to open my eyes, open my eyes. I have to switch off the snooze.
and so I do. the i have to`s are endless and they only add up as we move on from do to day.
the biggest have to do is that we have to live. we also have to live our best.

so i do wake up and i do go to work, been better before . sometimes i go to work smiling driving smiling. radio switched off good thoughts and still SMILING.
other days like today i just want to slap someone, or kick some ass. i don't know which would feel better ( i never did either).
for some unknown reason i feel TERRIBLE. I hate this i hate everything i even hate the birds on the tree. i hate the kids staring out the window. I hate walking into my office i hate logging online. so best thing i can do right now, is drink some Red Bull . i drink, drink...boost OK.
minutes... fading away... i hate that i like it, its terrible!
finally, work arrive and I'm on pause ( cut ). everything is blank, focus focus, on your work. not bad not good, its nothing.
my work is done......
i cant breathe gain, frustrated feeling bad, terrible again.
why do sometimes for absolutely no reason we feel really really bad.
in a female scenario, pmsing is the quickest easiest escape for an answer.
no its not the case, i know its not.
OK,
So i had friends over last night i had fun and laughed as soon as they left i want to slam the door and kick ass again!
i love these girls they are my best friends we meet once every week we talk on the phone every day
and i love them !! whats wrong with me? whats wrong with us!
i hate how their lives turning out, i expected much more, i want much more for them.
i know they can do better i want them to do better.
they have to!
again.... the have to`s
am i judgmental, am i hard to please, am i asking for a lot, am i just a ........
i don't know.
maybe that's why I'm so pissed! maybe.
i love u girls, i really do.
i just feel bad bad bad............................i know i have to feel good and i will
for the time being I'm sticking with BAD.
then i go back and drink another Red Bull.

note: pic attached is irrelevant, i just liked it.

10 comments:

Piers Smith said...

reality bites, but it's got to bite still harder to hurt

No3iK said...

ummmm
thing is
its still biting p.
thnaks for the passing ;)

Poothy-kat said...

Why is it that we always feel bad because life isn't what we expect it to be? Why are 'have tos' better be had? Perhaps life's demeaning lowest moments are the actual root of our happiness. I think we should welcome this pain since there's no point in fighting it. On Friday... I had the most terrible day of my life. I couldn't stop crying from morning till night. I even came to work with puffed eyes and sore throat cuz my immunity went low. I had to go to the pharmacy to drug myself ... as usual...

But you know something? After being drugged, float headed, redded by the bull and drooling your boogers out to the last drop... it feels so good to know that I have so many sisters in this world that are so dear to me that are able to connect to each other at times like these.

I believe the pain shakes your core, breaks your dignity and brings birth to 'humblness', contemplating a more confined and clearer spectre to the world.

Seize it, don't let it conquere you...

No3iK said...

take hard hard work, long hours and days...
to actually mean what you say.
i can agree with you, right now.
but i dont think i will be honest if i did.
so yes i do agree with u, but i dont really mean it.
lucky for you :) cuz i didnt get to the understanding u have , maybe i will, some day.

thanks sis :*

Zalabya said...

Thats life... in a day ur mood is up so high,, other days deep down
i totaly understand.. but i believe that it is a matter of time or bad/hurtful memories that cross our minds from time to time.

:*

No3iK said...

yes totally agree lol

cuz im totally over it now :)

thanks 7bebty.

poothy-kat said...

I'm not lucky...

I fall just as you do and i know for a fact even worse than you do :P

But that's what I try to convince myself of at times...

Anonymous said...

We always look at the future, never enjoy the day. We work at a job we don't like hoping that in the FUTURE we will find the perfect job. And when we do get that perfect job or life or whatever, we don't enjoy it. why, because we wait and look at the FUTURE. live the day i say. If you dont like it, change it, and savour what you've got. Live the day.

No3iK said...

ummmmm :)
ill try and do that.
thank u.

Anonymous said...

hi
i dont no you and im SURE u dont no me:P but i jst admire the way you write! ur so talented mashalla!
anyhoooz bye :)