Touch me again

I look at it, I touch it, but I can't feel anything, so I scratch it.
My nail pressing, going up and down, pressing
Why cant I feel it anymore, and why the hell is it raining?

I look at her, her smile! There's something special about her smile
I try to feel her again, try and remember how it used to feel
I'm still scratching, harder and harder, and still its raining
I miss it

I miss her smile, something special bout her smile
Oh my god, I really miss her skin
Her hair, her voice, her words …
Why cant I have all of it back again?

I miss her smile, something special bout her smile, something rare
No voice could be warmer, no hands could be gentler, no hair could be darker
No eyes could be calmer, no heart could be kinder, no smile could be as real!
A very honest smile, a happy smile, "you know there is a child living in her soul,
In her eyes", a dear friend once told me.

I miss our fights, the ugly times
I miss the teasing and tickling, the stroking and touching
I miss the fights and arguments and worrying… (I was such a b****)
Real, very real

I'm still scratching, but nothing.
A memory, is a cruel thing, it can give you back everything,
You can remember the scent, smell, look, taste and voice
A memory would never give you back the sense of touch.

So I keep scratching harder

Now I realize,
No matter how much and hard i scratch
She wont come back
i will never touch again, hug again, kiss again
It will never feel any different
It will always be just as cold, just as dark
No more sunlight
No more wings
No more skin

I do feel the wetness of the rain
The scratching of my nail
Rain streaming down my eyes, through my eyelashes
Cheeck to my chin, nose and neck falling..
The picture is wet!
I do feel the wetness I do feel the paper
I do see the smile, the eyes and the hair
But I don’t feel her. I cant.

I just miss it

Even thought she had the most beautiful smile I will ever see
Or remember ..
Looking at it, remembering it,
Can only make me cry.

I love you,
I know your looking down on me from up there
Some where … up there .. Smiling
ur smile is real, my pain is real.
Pain looking me right in the face, right here.

I miss you Mommy, I really do.