Saturday, November 11, 2006

a-p-a-r-t


she packed her things immediately after she heard the news ..
she left her responsibilities, her family, her room and her house she just left.
and came to me.

she said: "i wont leave u when ur in this shape"
i laughed: "what shape? my mother just died! so what? im fine.. just go"
but she wouldn't .. she kept there by my side, made sure i slept and ate.
she stayed for three months!

we've been friends since 1988.
we did everything together.
she was that friend who u could stay with,
and do absolutely nothing and not even say a word.
just be there.

we then started growing,
we grew, we shaped ourselves.
as our personalities were stabling...
we were different, we are different.
she is my best friend, she is my BEST friend.
we were so different that even strangers could notice it.

im ok with difference, difference doesn't mean anything to me.
it doesn't threatens me, or bothers me.
one thing does...
she never said it, but i left with out even knowing
or plan on leaving.
i saw it in her eyes, "judgment"

she didn't like what she was seeing.
she didn't like what she was hearing,
i could feel her disappointment, i could sense her wishes.
she wished, i would change.

that is when i realized, different means apart.
we didn't just grow, we didn't just mature.
we grew apart. we landed on different grounds.
i haven't spoken to her, not in ramadan, eid or her birthday
-months-
we just stopped! as if we didn't exist.

all of this runs through my head every single night.
our memories are my new pillow.
sleepless. with guilt, anger and regret.
best friends that dont exist. but are best friends whether they like it or not.
you was, are and will always be my best friend on earth.
ur not just my best friend, ur a TRUE friend, and i love u.

18 comments:

ZiZoTiMe said...

Mother oF ALL Weapons!!!!!!!!!

ZiZoTiMe said...

Loved it wallah :) 7ada kalamech 3jeeeb o el eslob raw3a! i guess malaitay men el md7 bs shensawy fech matyozen 3n el ketabat el 7elwa ;)

Hope u can return as u were the 2 of u togethr o mahma kan el sebab u should be back to each other as soon as possible

Wishing the best 4 u :)

Marzouq said...

A true friend sticks it out with you, and sometimes going through the tough parts only makes you stronger!

YoupPpi said...

waYed Ksr 5a6ry hal post .. mrait eb nfs il7alla bs with friend who i knew her for less than 5 years .. but i still remember her .. as usual 3rft mno taqsdeen .. ;P coz i know u .. e7glch t'thaygen coz u were close friends .. i'm sure she loves u and remember u mthl ma u do .. enshala ra7 eyee ilyom eli u'll be togather and 4 ever
me .. luv u ;***

AmoOora said...

allaah yredkom nafs gabel inshalla ;*

*HUGE HUG!!*

Love ya girl ;*

AmoOora said...

forgot to say..


This post really touched me !
You hav a talent, you know how to put your feeling out onto paper.. many people cant do that..
;*

carlsb3rg said...

I hope you can put your differences apart and speak to each other again. But I'm thinking, if there are so many differences to the point where you do not agree on things, its hard to understand how you were best friends in the first place. You also pointed yourself that you 'grew' and 'matured', and you became different people, which means your childhood friendship does not neccessarily mean that it will continue in your adulthood.

A Daydreamer said...

does she know how you feel? maybe you should have her read this. im sure it would touch her some way or another...

btw, this is something that many of us can relate to. whether it is a best friend or a true love... differences start to grow and before you know it, people begin to grow further and further apart...

tell her how you feel. it might make a difference. best wishes to you hon :)

do0da said...

Its never too late to pick up the fone and start over again =)

LaiaLy_q8 said...

really nice No3ik

i like it a lot

Yazeed said...

my advice,
call her, apologize
from what i understand, u both didnt call eachother suddenly, so atleast if u start contact, you have done ur part even if its so late.
i am sure both of you will will forget the past, oo hopefully u'll be able to restore ur friendship.
aham shay the she feels as guilty as u are.
hope 4 the best, oo inshallah u'll find it
good luck

ScarlO said...

You're talking about me, 9a7?
Lovely, dear. you should post like that more often :-)

Si7LeYa said...

بعد عمري انتي والله

:*

ميخالف الله كريم ان شاء الله والغايب عذره معاه

phoenix said...

You couldn't have expressed yourself in a better way.
Bes can some one not talk to you in months if you're the best person with words I'd ever seen or should I say read? There must be one hell of a reason.

You know I'm just happy that you found your true friend.. Even if you Haven't been in touch, we all need to atleast know we have a true friend!
AS always sweetheart AMAZING JOB.
-BIG HUG-

No3iK said...

*zizo:
yh yh yh hl yomain ra`6y 3ani
o 9ayir 6ayib :p shisalfa? :D

thanks, ill try my best inshalah.
same to u man ;)

*marzouq:
exactly! thats when u know theyre not just ur best, but are true.

*youpi:
7abeeeeeeeeeeebty ..
u know me very well dont u! :p
well yeah, allah e3en.
thanks girl :** love u.

*amoora:
7bebty, ppl who understand and appreciate feelings, are the ones who can read them. so u have a gift, ur senssitive to others and u can feel what they write.

*carls:
i know its like u said, it is hard actually.
we werent different before, since we were kids till the age of 20 almost we were the same.
then the maturing part made it bit complicated.

*daydreamer:
yes , well she doesnt know i have this blog so i dont know.
and like u said its the same with friends, lovers even family members. differences do have an affect on ppl.
but i really dont know what to do ?

*dooda:
i keep thinking about that, but then again a phone call wont solve the problem. that we already have.

*lialy:
7bebty thanks :*

*zooz:
apologize for what?
non of us did anything wrong.
we grew to be different. that is why were not close, were distant. and it hurts. coz theres nothing u can do about it.

*scarlo:
oh baby u here! i miss u 7aaaaaaaaaaaaail ya shagol :**
and what do u mean more often!! hehehe bada3tay feeeni :p

*si7leya:
long time no see :)
tislimeeen li 3mre thanks.

*phoooph:
exactly!!
i always saay having friends and even best friends is easy.
but a true friend, ur lucky if u ever get one. just one! some ppl never find that true friend in the first place.
so for that im thankful and happy.
:**
-big huuuuuuuuuug-

Reem said...

heeeeeeeeey!!!
missed u sooo much!!
anyways, i went through smth very similar.. it hurts so much.. u know what? u can just call, perhaps it'll make u feel a little better..
judgment sucks!! big time.. i hate it.. it wrecks relationships.. one should accept others for what they r.. not for what we want them to become...
time, life, events.. things we go through change us.. being involuntarily apart is very awful.. God help u :(
"difference" is my key term :D that's why i loooove Nietzsche ;p

looooooved reading it! again u dazzle me babe girl :D

Go you and Difference! :* mwah!

DeemTheWhiteRose said...

Wow, thats really impressive and touchy No3ik...

But remember No love, no friendship, can cross the path of our destiny without leaving some mark on it forever...

Good Luck :)

Common_Sense said...

nice peice wala, elmawthoo3 wayed 7loo. elmoshkelaa as we grow, the distance grow with us. if u really like her u should do something about it ;) u get what I am saying ;p