Thursday, August 10, 2006
a true story.
this is going to be a long post.. zizo and lialy hope ur gona read it.
im wirting this as i listen to "even the best fall down sometimes"
im numb at the moment.
i feel this thing building up in and on my chest and i want it out NOW.
it starts like this:
i was getting rid of some old stuff in my bedroom.
so i found this dusty box under the bed. it was "stuffed" with letters, papers, pics, and cards. i also found my 16 year old diary! i dont even remmeber having a diary at that age.
so i smiled, i opened it and started reading, some pages got me to tears coz there was alot stuff bout my mom that i even forgot about.
mostly was about highschool and my friends..highschool days are so laaame!! anyways ..
theres one thing u need to know about me. my friends are MY LIFE. if im friends with someone, i know theyre worth my friendship they always always come first.
i have a huge huge circle of friends al7imdellah they are my treasure.... so ...
one of my highschool friends is 7bebty "fay" my diary was all fay this and fay that and it broke my heart that now for almost 7 years i know nothing bout her totally lost contact after she got married and had kids, thats what i hear from other friends. i dont talk to her or have her number.
last page of my diary was all phone numbers of my friends. they were all house numbers. so i thought i want to call and ask for her mobile number... now i really really wish i never made that call!
before i go any further i must tell you alittle bit bout my fay. ithink shes the bravest girl i have ever met in my life. shes been slit cut since the day she was born, shes been hurt in every way u can imagine physically and emotionally. i have no idea how she survived and was even able to smile. fay been through shit that i dont even see in movies, fay fought like a warrior, her life is a horror movie, fay been through one crisis to the next and had the strength to help her other friends through their silly shitty problems. fay had the biggest heart on earth biggest kindest heart and the most beautiful smile.best personality.
so i call, the phone rings and my heart beats raise..... her father answers the phone:
no3ik: alsalam 3laikum 3ami, this is flana liflaney.. im very sorry for calling u like this, but could you please give me fays mobile number coz i lost it?
father: hala fech wallah, whos fay?
no3ik: im sorry isnt this bait "..." arent you buflan?
father: yes it is, but whos fay?
no3ik: 3ami im very sorry again but fay ur daughter!! im her friend from highschool i just want to say hi, could you please give me her number?!
father: - sudden change of tone- oh u mean fay the b*tch!!!!
- ok so now u can imagine the shock on my face specialy that we were speaking in arabic, so it sounded more revolting and sick!!!!-
no3ik: huh!!! excuse me?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
father: fay the b*tch, the slut, the animal ... etc ..... - his voice started raising - SHE IS NOT MY DAUGHTER DONT U EVER SAY THAT SHES MY DAUGHTER U UNDERSTAND!!!!
no3ik: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! im so sorry!!!! what is wrong????
father: i said dont call her my daughter shes not, and btw she was adopted shes not my daughter not my blood her family name isnt "..." shes a whore shes not mine anyways shes not my daughter shes a b*tch........
no3ik: - i started crying - 3ami please can i have her number now. where is she now ???
father: i dont know where that b*tch is i threw her out the house years ago!!! shes probably dead or with some ass. i dont know...
no3ik: what about her kids???? where are they?????
father: thrown out with her, theyre all bastards... they belong in the street.
father: if u ever see her in the street tell her I DONT SAY HI.- then he laughed- !!!!!
father: that whore. my advice just forget she ever existed thats what i did.
no3ik: i have to go now bye.
- and i hung up-
im still shocked!! i still cant believe what i heard.
shes like any one of us, shes a girl who used to laugh had friends, had dreams, had a heart.
i have no idea why im telling you all of this, i know ur comments wont help or solve anything, i know u have nothing to do with this, i just need it off my chest.
after all what shes been through!!!! AFTER ALL WHAT SHES BEEN THROUGH!!!!!!!
now i know it was nothing, now i know shes been through worst!!!!!
i have no idea where she is, i have no idea if shes alive or not.
shes my friend, one of my good friends.
they say when u fall, u get up and move on.
but what if u fell in the mudd, got all covered up with mud and dirt, u do get up but u need someone who would help u wash it off, u simply need help.
her parents, her father gave her away. he fed her to the wolves!! and hes blaming her for it.how does he sleep at night!!!!
how can some parents be so cold dead hearted! no matter what she did, no matter what, shes family, shes amother shes got 3 kids!!!!! how could u just throw them away! and not care.
i cant stop crying i dont want to imagine the things shes been throught. i dont want to think about it, i dont want to know.
right now i have one of her pics right next to the laptop. were together sitting together in our uniform and shes smiling! i feel so guilty, i feel so sorry.
i miss her i dont want to know anything i only want one thing right now.
i just want to hug her real tight. i just want to hug her. :`(
FAY where ever you are ... im still here ur not alone.