Good bye Kuwait, Hello 2009!

.


i only have one day left ..
ask your selves what would you do .. ? where would you go?
who will you see ? if u knew u only had 24 hours to spend in kuwait ..

were moving to Los Angeles inshallah .. for a very long time ..

i love traveling, but i also could never stay away from Kuwair for more than a month
i usually get home sick three weeks after travel ..
i dont know how will i deal with this .. the parting .. the missing ..
MY DAD! omg! i dont know how will i be able to live normally with out seeing him everyday @@ !!

im starting to get that annoying "stomach pain" the one i usually have before a final exam!
its terrible .. i just had green tea .. because i still have a lot of work and packing to do .. so i need to be focused...

im sure my blog will help me a lot... and be there for me, like it always have :*
i will definitely post more often inshallah ..

anyways, wish me a safe trip please .. cause im also worried about that! almost 20 hours on a plane will surely upset my 3abood and break my back :p poor thing!

.. take care all .. hope everyone is well ..
no3ik .. wishes you all the best!

and HAPPY NEW YEAR ;)

f*cking mess

.. depression,
is becoming my loving blanket,
snuggles to press my heart in.
im chocking on pain ..
theres no more space, i swear ..
theres no more space .. not enough air
everything is - too - much.
too wrong.
how many breakdowns will i need
for it to STOP

mom ur killing me.

Im back from Dubaya ;)

beach view

This was one of my most original visits to Dubai!
(im from now on calling it, the city that doesnt know how to sleep!)

i will start by saying i had a GREAT time but there were two major spoilers:

1. My back/feet:

i wasnt able to enjoy my shoes like i usually do .. from day one .. i immediately walked in to the first shoe store i got to and purchased me a pair of flats! i kept thinking "is this a sign im getting old! am i now broken?!" it was so depressing :( but then again its been only 3 months since my small body gave birth .. maybe it still needs time to heal .. i decided to still give me a chance ;p

2. Constructions:constructions

every visit i make sure we stay in a different hotel in Dubai, one of their finest hotels/resorts!
its very important to me the place we stay in has (walking areas) .. not just buildings .. it must have open space .. not just the city! its very important that im able to walk aroudn with my baby cam and take snaps of what i see... this time it was a different story!
yes the resort was one of the most luxuriuos .. yes the view was breath taking! BUT the construction of more than i can count ruined it all!!! they were like attacking the place from each and every corner. i kept thinking this country has a problem .. they dont know when or where to stop! they are literally suffocating the place!! u can no longer see the sky! mashallah because of the sky scrapers! no more land .. all projects and workers .. and if that wasnt enough .. they want to take over the sea as well and burry it!
i wasnt able to sleep well because of the noise .. they worked ROUND THE CLOCK! non stop!!
i felt so sad .. and sorry for this place because i know for a fact .. everything has a limit to it .. obviuosly they are pushing it!
I mean i was in Dubai few months ago .. an entire harbor was gone! i almost cried .. coz i rememeber taking shots of it and it was beyond beautiful! now its simply gone! *top pic

I really wish this doesnt back fire one day .. i dont know much about enviroemntal rules .. but i do know that in life, nature needs to be in balance.

other than that .. the star of this trip was no one but my little Aboodi :*** i dont think he knew he was in Dubai :p but the look on his face when ever he saw colors, lights, different shapes around him .. was more than enough .. his contact with phoriners and their kids; who would come and want to play with him .. again, was more than enough .. i know that he learnd something, and i know he enjoyed it :) best part was after we got home!! he wouldnt stop giggling and playing. He really missed being here (home) .. it simply was breath taking.

over and out! needless to say .. i missed u all soo very much ;*

Horrible pain!

nothing can annoy me more than having to worry about something that i have no knowledge in.

vaccines!! when i go give abood his vaccinations .. it kills me that i have read in so many places /articles .. that some if not ALL are not necessary for babies .. a lot of ppl are shunning them for now and only giving them two years after birth .. to prevent some of what is believed to be harmful side affects (one of them is Autism!) and to give the baby's body a chance to build a stronger immune system.

what is worst than not having enough knowledge in something, is when you seek professional help .. and they simply give you one of the most generic answers! just to shut you up and send you home.
even the nurse who was giving the vaccine did not tell me what type of vaccine this was and for what purpose it was given! i have already did my home work and read it beforehand .. i just wanted reconfirmation from HER the person in charge of it.. she didnt reply .. she just said: its his scheduled vaccination, bring him again after a month!
im like (6igeeeny b3d!! :@)

i know i may sound over protective or even paranoid .. but that is not the case ..
im just wondering why isnt there enough information for the parents? why isnt the staff professional or the least nice!
she kept injecting the needles in his tiny thigh like he was an orange for practice! he was gooing and playing with his hands .. when suddenly his eyes flooded with tears! he was screaming from the top of his lungs .. his face immediately flushed bright red .. he just kept staring right into my eyes .. as if i have betrayed him!! i couldn't help but cry .. tried to make it easier by stroking his tiny head and his furry hair .. i promised him it was over, when it was not .. there were two more shots to go!! three shots all at once! isnt that too much
even we adults cant handle such pain.

After he took the three shots he was so tired .. there was no more energy left in him to cry .. tears kept rolling as he laid his head im my lap to finally surrender and sleep .. my crushed heart and worried thoughts kept on going. i hugged him real tight .. and apologized .. there was nothing else i could do .. the nurse let me go with no instructions at all .. other than a paper (prescription).
later on i learned that i was supposed to put cold/ice bags on his thighs .. and also make sure he doesn't get a fever .. which he did .. poor little thing.
it was a very terrible experience. i was not prepared for this at all.

good news is .. im leaving this week for a short break to Dubai :) and im taking Abood with me .. im sure its going to be great .. try and make it up to him ;p

Hope everyone is well .. (miss u)

LOL advice

Almost everyone been calling me or coming over to see how im doing .. ( which is so nice ) but also most of them wanted to give me Great advice! (according to them)
Some advice were ok, and some were heh.. but .. no one could ever top this one:

I got a phone call from a friend on a Saturday,

F: Zanooooooooob .. dear how are u and hows the baby doing???
Z: alhimdellah were doing fine .. making it day by day .. :)
F: so when can we go out??
Z: yeah i really want to go out .. but i think its still too soon to leave 3abood u know .. since im the only one taking care of him and he needs me to feed him every two hours.
F: what about ur Khadama? (maid)
Z: what about her?
F: Let her take care of him for two hours!
Z: Hes just a new born! i cant let some stranger take care of him .. plus im his mother! im here and free why would i do that?
F: YAL MAYNOOOOONA!!! (ur insane!) you must let her hold him, change him, and pump some milk and let her feed him .. let her get used to doing all of these things from now when hes small, so that it will be very easy for her when hes older. Remember even when he cries .. let her walk with him till he stops crying with her .. make sure its with her ..
Z: @@ (no comment!)
F: so that when he he cries .. all you have to do is give him to her, he will stop crying my dear! wa7da b wa7da! ask me ;)
Z: @@ aha ..
F: plus let him sleep with her so that he will get used to her smell from now!
Z:: @@ uhhmmm ..
F: if you do all of this trust me you will be back to ur normal life in no time!! you will go out and everything .. u wont even remember you became a mother .. because you will know he is safe back home .. your life will be normal in no time.
Z: ok dear .. thanks for calling i really have to go now...!

SO BEING A MOTHER IS NOT NORMAL!!! i dont know whether to laugh or cry! this was so strange to me .. i dont know how some people think .. i really didnt care .. i didnt listen to a word she said .. i would have corrected her, but since i know the PERSON she is .. those 100% right all the time people .. i didnt want to waist my time on the phone arguing with her .. what really broke me .. was her (kid) who was a baby 3 years ago, who according to her does not even know the smell of his own mother :`(

This kind of new fashionable mothers is being popular amongst kuwaitis .. i really wish they would know that not being with your baby (newborn!) will kill the bond you will have with your kids .. for ever .. and it is unrepairable. With each child you only get to have one chance.. because they grow up so fast :) so don't miss it.


* Hope everyone is well ..
thanks for all ur prev emails .. im feeling super! drinking lots and lots of water .. down side of all this is that im not fasting this month :( allah e3eni 3l dain :p

Numb - 2

Delicately realistic asked how i was doing through a message on facebook, this was my reply to her:

"i went to dar alshifa to see dr.hisham al5aya6 i dont know if u know him, he used to work in ebin seena .. hes a great doctor .. wayid he was nice o raya7ny
he did a physical test and asked me a lot of detailed questions .. family history and wanted to know exactly what happened.
he then told me i dont need an MRI or MRV .. he thinks is psychological.
postpartum depression. plus an anxiety attack. i never heard of this..
i mean anyone giving birth then numbing up .. but he thinks its the reason.
he thinks it will fade away in a week .. if it didnt he said he might refer me to a therapist .. since he also learned bout my mothers passing away.. he thinks i maybe still have bottled up feelings.

bs other than that .. al7imdellah im feeling better .. numbness comes and goes.. yesterday it came back to my entire left side again .. so im still giving it time hoping it will leave me alone soon :) coz it is a very bad feeling u know .. i feel like i dont exist .. when u cant feel the sensation of touch .. sub7an allah."

i should also add that this isnt a common thing after birth, i dont want to scare you :p it happened for so many reasons; in my case .. im not eating well, im breastfeeding, im sleep deprived, and im losing weight add to that im constantly worried .. and miss my mom all the time. Im physically and emotionally over working my self, the doctor explained it: as my brain shutting off my body so it would force me to have some time off.

After knowing all of this inshallah ill be better in no time.

ill be leaving you the info i worked hard to get, i made so many phone calls just to find the best of the best .. inshalah no one will have to see someone like the ER doctor ! who threw diagnosis so easily in my face like i was a case not a person.


-Dr. Asmahan - Neurologist
works at Ebinseena, and has her private Clinic. #5628756

-Dr. Hisham Alkhayat - Neurologist
Works at Ebinseena and Dar Alshifa Hospital #2626601

-To have an MRI in private hospitals, you can do it on the same day, or the next.
it cost around 140kd per part.

*Wishing no one will ever need the above numbers.
all the best for everyone :*

Numb

*Alone:

last nite, Thursday @ 3:00am
My entire left face went numb starting with my left eyelid .. i pinch my cheeks and i felt only pressure on my muscle .. not the skin!
15 mins later .. my left arm is numb .. 10 mins later .. my left leg is numb ..
it was like a ghost crawling inside my skin and numbing it .. i was not able to feel any touch but only pressure! first thought came to my head is that i maybe was getting paralyzed.
i started to freak out, as it was about 4:15am .. little abdullah is asleep and so is my husband .. i walk to the bedroom .. almost dragging my heavy weak left side with me ..
reading Quraan on my self and massaging my leg .. hoping ill be getting any sensation .. anytime soon.
instead .. the left side of my brain starts to numb as well.. and it gets heavier than the right side.
that is when i woke up my hub.. asked him to take me to the hospital .. he got ready and we left. ..on the way, we decided to go to Government hosp since this seemed to be a serious case! and little did we know!

*Gov Hosp:

we arrive at 5am and boy was Mubarak hospital crowded! we take a number thinking that these people knew what waiting for ur turn meant! they just stood there by the door pushing .. who ever gets in first .. was his turn :s we just kept waiting .. as i wait .. with a numb left side .. my right side starts little by little to numb as well .. i literally thought i was dying .. i started saying "al shahadatain" .. with content .. thoughts and memories .. rushing and flashing .. i was smiling, thinking i would miss my little one grow up .. as i waited .. the darkest and brightest of thoughts came to me .. that is one suddenly i was called in to the room..

*The Doc:

i sat there .. on a black leather chair .. doctor looked at me as i was pretending to have an urgent reason to be in the ER .. since i wasnt moaning with pain or was on a wheel chair .. i was simply sitting .. right in front of him, able to walk my self in to the room..

i : i cant feel my body .. im going numb.

he sends me immediately for tests: temp, blood sugar and blood pressure..all came back normal.
he then looks at me and

says: everything is fine, you could be having a censure ,, but ur only 26 so its very unlikely .. or you maybe have MS. i cant do anything for you now .. im not a neurologist .. so go back home sleep and have some water! this could be nothing .. but i cant tell you anything for sure.

LOL after his diagnosis i sure will be able to sleep!

with a complete shock on my face i leave .. husband trying to calm me down "everything is going to be ok!" that is when u know something is definitely wrong .. when ur loved one .. with that look on his face .. tries to tell u that everything will be fine.
i smile back: lets just go home ..

*Home:

i go give 3bod a kiss and try to sleep.. imagine sleeping on ur bed .. with out being able to feel the sheets against ur body .. entire body ..
the only way to make sure i dont have MS is to make an MRI to make an MRI ill have to be on a waiting list .. that if im lucky will take 3 MONTHS!



im getting tired .. ill continue this post later .. needless to say .. i really need ur prayers .. tc all :*

Its been 2 months!

My little mouse staring at me over his dads shoulder ;p

if said my life have changed 100% .. it would be an understatement...
is it good change? .. i really dont know .. is it change that i dont like? .. of course not..'
i love spending all my time with little 3bod .. but i also miss (me)

im simply trying to get used to this .. "my new life" .. a third person in the family..
hes one tiny person .. but he sure is A LOT of work!
i sleep 4 hours in total .. and no, not 4 hours straight!! never straight ..
before i got pregnant i weighed 52kilos .. now im 49!
its just constant constant work.

im so tired .. been doing this all on my own ..
its been 5 yrs since i lost mom .. i have never missed her like i miss her right now!
she would have made things MUCH easier .. on my little new family.
My husband has been a champ .. im so proud of him .. proud of what hes trying to do .. all the books hes reading .. all the diapers he changed so far, so that ill get a 10 minute nap ..
hes my real superman :**

anyways i missed my blog and i missed u all .. i think ill be away for a while .. because i really dont have time to blog or read other blogs .. wishing everyone is well ..

RAMADAN krem to all :****

3aboodi landed safely to this world :)

YES!
i gave birth .. on the 4TH OF JULY!
how cool is that :p

i keep telling hub every year were celebrating his birthday in the US and tell him all the fire works are for his BIRTHDAY! ;)
anyways .. it was a very long long story .. but all that matters is that al7imdellah the baby is healthy, and im doing well .. it was an al natural birth, started from 3am and baby was out @ 10:50 am

alf al7imdelllah.
i would like to thank you all for your prayers .. i know for sure they helped me a lot in everything! so thanks.
hoping everyone is doing great :*

and may i add that being a mommy feels great!!

tick .. tock

i can now confirm that having bed rest .. does actually WORK!
in my case .. it did more than just that .. hehehehe
im still a ticking belly waiting to pop ..
im enjoying my baby so much inside .. but im also growing so impatient of the constant worrying and waiting.

it at times get frustrating where i feel like i want to break and cry!
specially when its late at night and im so beat tired but cant sleep!!
i dont remember the last time i slept and didnt have to wakeup every 30 mins
to toss and turn!

im hoping soon! hehee its weird how can someone hope for the most painful experience youll ever endure.
thats why being a mother is a miracle! u hope and wait for what u know will be unbearable.
but i know i will look back one day .. and smile.

i want to hold my baby more than anything right now .. i dont care how or when ?
im planning to go all natural no drugs or epis .. so ill be needing those extra prayers from you guys :)

hope everyone is well .. i know most of u either left the country or on your way out .. so please enjoy it for both of us ;) since ill be stuck here all summer!

take care :*

You have to try this - MIND BLOWING

its really not like me to just post links.. but this is an exceptional case!!
i and hub stayed up last night untill 3 a.m trying to complete level 108!!

AND WE DID!!

the thrill u get after completing each level is very worth it ;p
i know its lame, its just a game! but its very addictive and challenging.
my only excuse for spending so much time on it is that I consider it to be a very good work out to our brains :p

so enough said .. just click away:

http://www.levelgame.net/

and please update me on your levels!
im very curiuos to know who will master in this ;)

ps. another reason to hate work! is for blocking this link :@

still here

going back to work .. is harder than i thought..
al7imdellah i made it past week 36 .. about to enter 37 now ..
and im wondering!! hmmmm .. i said "reach" 36 why is the baby still in there ?? that was not the deal! :p

i wish we can choose when to deliver .. like pressing a button and all will be over :( the constant waiting and anticipating is just too much .. im getting weak and impatient.

i now feel like the baby is punishing for not letting him out when he wanted out! heheheheh yeah that would be weird if babies thought this way ;p

the irony is .. my doctor who got me on bed rest so that i wont deliver .. is now asking me to go take long long walks .. and dance! hhehehehe so that id deliver!!

its not easy to do these things when ur carrying i dont know how many kilos in ur belly ..
the thing i miss the most bout my old life is being able to sleep on my belly .. my tum tum .. -sigh-

anyways .. this is a typical vent guys nothing special .. but i must say that im glad the weather is getting better .. i kind of missed our sun.


have a nice weekend all and please keep us both in ur prayers .. Allah knows i need them.

back to work!

so im at work right now ..

many things happened that i didnt see coming .

im not so thrilled or happy about them ..

i still need to make alot of important decissions ..

but i wont rush into things.

anyways, after bed rest .. i really just miss the sigh of the sky, fresh air and people! lol but what i keep forgetting is that im in kuwait .. so i shouldnt miss these things, when all you get is dust in the air, gloomy sad pale skys, and frowny angry faces in the morning! .. not a good sight at all. i was thinking i might need to get away have some quality time with hub, weekend+resort .. do some pampering before the baby arrives ..

but with this weather! where would u go? it would be meaningless if not stupid. the only destination people should be taking right now is the airports .. and unfortunately that is not an option anymore ..

-sigh-

anyways .. i better get back to work!

hope all is well :)

cutest gift!

this is literally the cutest moses basket i have ever seen :)
Thanks to my lovely sister :*

its funny now .. after i got this .. the baby seems more real to me!
and im really yearning to just tuck him in!!

- sigh -

anyways .. my bed rest is still on .. turns out im a lazy lazy person (couch potato)
i bothered to write a long to do list .. when most of what i did was just watch tv and get online :(
the rest of the time ill be just trying to sleep .. on the phone or have friends come over ..
but alhimdellah i managed to do Quraan reading, which we both needed.

i also have been listening to this clip everyday:




"Asmma Allah - Sami Yusuf"
inshalah it will be like his lullaby when hes out ..

the first time i saw this .. i burst into tears .. it touched me so deeply ..
i kept thinking .. THIS IS .. the real image of Islam ..
this is how people should feel about Islam. a peaceful .. gentle .. beautiful and pure religion.

it is so sad how things are turning out for us.


anyways .. hope all is well ;)

last night

my pillow hugging my head,
muted tears kiss it back,
i curled in bed ..

-gasp- hold my breath,
vibrating body shakes every thread,
don't wake him up!
your ok! ..

everything is going to be ok ..
all in the dark,
what i cant see .. can never
harm me.

i whisper through the thin crust of air,
- i love you -
finally, wet lashes fall,
and good night.

Bed Rest

yesterday i went to the hospital .. cause i felt something was wrong with the baby ...
they kept me under observation for around an hour .. the doctor told me that the baby is preparing himself for labor!! ALREADY!!
im still in the beginning of my 8th month and i dont want the baby to be a premi!
when i asked the doc why this happened .. she simply replied:
"baby is bored :p"

she said i shouldn't worry .. and requested i stay on bed rest for two weeks ..
shes hoping the baby will wait for at least three weeks .. only then, he wont be a "premi" as in wont be needing an incubator inshallah.

so this is my first day in bed rest .. i can say one word (boring)
i know some might consider it a good break, time for some peace .. to reflect and relax.. but not when you still have a million things that need to be done! (hhhmmmmffff)
plus im sure my boss wont be thrilled either!

for now im supposed to lay down ALL the time .. i will try to do some reading.
i must say, that is when having a blog comes in handy ;)
i need to find some other things that i can do that wont require me leaving bed .. any ideas? :)

and one more thing .. please pray that the baby will wait for three weeks at least.
pleaseeee ..

Thanks all, hope everyone is well.

ra7 adoos, walzig, watarik .. wad3am!

first of all, sorry the title is in not only in arabic but its in "kuwaiti" .. since i couldnt find any other words to describe kuwaitis attitude/ behavior in dirving!

what are they thinking .. when someone is speeding like hell .. gets in between the cars with out signaling what so ever! then keeps on speeding .. as if hes driving an ambulance and is on a mission to save the world! keeps on speeding with no regards to the car right infront of him .. untill he touches the cars rear bumper!! THIS IS CAR BULLYING! "u move .. or ill crash into you"!!! its not ur FRICKIN ROAD! u did not put the road speed limit .. and again IT IS NOT UR ROAD!!!

irony is, they say WOMEN ARE BAD DRIVERS!! i say guys are INSANE MAD DRIVERS .. Complete A**es!!!!

i sometimes wish they would crash into a cemented wall or something .. maybe then theyll learn their lesson .. obviously theyve got nothing of importance to lose .. with that reckless and crazy driving! sad part is, the other careful, normal and safe drivers with got priorities in life .. who actually HAVE A LIFE! lose everything for simply being there .. at the wrong time, and place!

im not attacking all men drivers .. but i must say that MOST kuwaiti men drivers .. have the same behavior in dirving, i really dont know why! is it like in their blood .. or does it just grow on to them .. most of my kuwaiti male friends .. who got their drivers license from out side kuwait .. drive according to the law .. most of them .. get irritated by this issue .. so this maybe another indicator that it is our laws .. or the ppl incharge of them? the cops for example! some cops have no respect for the law .. and again not ALL but some .. they encourage other guys to break them .. they are supposed to be our role models in driving! not to mention .. when the one breaking the law is a friend of a friend! he knows hes untouchable .. in other words .. 'he owns the place' along with the ppl in it!

and do not even get me started on those who RACE! :s omg!! could you get any more classier than this?

In general, these guys with their big fancy loaded trucks .. all i see in them is a brainless driver.. who has no self respect .. trying to make up for some huge self esteem issue he has .. by driving like this .. if u were a real man .. if u were respected, educated and raised well .. u would never act this way. i mean where else would you see someone driving with one knee almost out of the window!? what kind of driving is that?!

most deaths are caused by young male drivers! it is no joke .. this is getting out of control .. because the numbers of deaths each year are only increasing!

again .. when men say women are clumbsy/bad drivers .. i really dont mind .. because atleast were no killers! do u know how many guys have been put under the ground for this? .. not to mention .. how many families were put under because of a guy trying to look smart while driving!

one of the reasons i hate going out in kuwait .. is its drivers! all i can sayis ..HAVE SOME RESPECT.

in the ladies changing room

so i finally did something about .. "my stressed life" ..
i registered in a yoga class!! -yaaaaay-

which was amazing btw ..

the story is not bout the yoga class. . its my yoga 'clothes' .. all my gym/yoga clothes dont fit anymore .. (the belly area) that is why i decided to shop .. (GO Sport ) avenues .. in search for maternity yoga clothes .. as i was there .. around 4pm all alone, by the female sports wear section .. suddenly two guys approach 'giggling' .. i notice that they were .. 'not' normal 'guys' .. they were holding 'hands' to be more specific ' fingers' .. i look away and pretend theyre not there .. they try on some pieces .. from the females section of course .. mostly were very floral .. or too PINK .. things i wont even buy! and kept asking eachother "do u think i look good in this??" hehehe ok then "what about this one?"
:s eeewww!
i felt so uncomfortable .. but i ignored them.. then they started cracking up mean jokes .. on how big some ppl are! .. and how some ppl cant even walk let alone do sports!! - a*ses! - AS IF! :@
i kept on ignoring them .. i mean im carrying a baby inside of me
WHATs THEIR FAT AS* EXCUSE!?

i finally find a few decent pieces .. march to the LADIES CHANGING ROOM .. hence the 'ladies' part ..
there are no doors .. if u have ever been there .. its only an open room with leather curtains that u hook .. u can see the head and the feet of the person changing inside .. i was there .. trying some pieces on .. When suddenly i hear their voices again! coming inside .. :S the NERVE!!!
i immediately start wearing my clothes preparing to leave .. that is when they got in one room 'same room' right next to mine and started trying on clothes TOGETHER!! plus .. doing other 'things' .. from the sound of it! not so pretty innocent things :/
i dont want to judge because i didnt see anything i was leaving in a hurry ..but it sure was disgusting :s

i left and didnt even try the things i bought .. which lead to a second exchange visit th next day!!

THANKS TO THOSE PIGS!

i mean i have nothing against those ppl .. simply dont rub it in ppls faces! do what ever u want to do at home. who cares what ur doing .. but dont just pretend like u own the place just because ur queer! -hfffftttt-

i must say i was dissappointed with GO SPORTs staff, since there was almost no one! to watch over, assist or prevent this! .. there should be NO GUYS allowed in the ladies changing rooms .. no matter how ugly they look!

anywyas .. i really cant wait for my next yoga session .. was soooooooooooooo worth it ..
and to the ppl who dont do yoga .. what are u waiting for??!! its like the best thing ever!

take care :*

heart beats - Organic Kuwait

you'r home and shelter,

is my entire body..

you'r warmth and food,

comes from my blood..

im always with you,

as you'r always with me..

to my little new beating heart,

i will miss being this close to you..

but i also, cant wait for us to meet!

one beating heart in a human body .. is considered a miracle,
now i have two :)

0

*ps. Organic Kuwait .. a dear frined, a great woman and above all .. a super mommy .. this goes to you :*

this is a reply to this post .. incase u missed it!

i really need some time off!

this weekend .. i have absolutely no plans ..

i dont know if i want to even wakeup .. i want to spend it all in bed .. and maybe some couch .. tv .. and hub :p and also drop in some fondue .. yeaaah .. that would be really nice woudlnt it!

but no ... there are those WEEKLY obligations that drag us from what ever were doing .. to go and do things we dont really enjoy .. eat food we dont like .. say things we dont mean .. and be in places .. we hate.

hehehehehe .. oh my god .. ive been looking at all my prev posts .. theyre all venty/winey/naggy!! am i really that bad! im so going to take some yoga classes .. i really need some peace.

wishing everyone a pleasant weekend :)

The Orange

a dimmed view for everyone,
not to see ..
i brush my eyelashes ..
i close my eyes ..
i stop breathing ..
now ...
we can all see ..

its a message,
not a storm.
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*ps: please everyone drive safely .. hope all is well.

To all the non pregg ladies ;)

so for you NON PREG GALS .. a list of what your NOT missing ;p

Lets start with the baby kicks, the oddest places u could imagine!! sometimes it feels like PINS .. and some times more like electricity going through you!! its not comfortable .. and could get scary!

the ITCHYNESS!! ur entire body starts to itch .. and there is nothing u can do about it .. no bodyscrubs .. showers .. moistorizers .. natural oils, i have tried everything .. the itch is always there .. and its not the kind you can just ignore.

SLEEPING ON MY LEFT SIDE EVERY NITE! is another way you can torture someone ... yes! i have to sleep on the left side ONLY! all nite .. and not move or roll over .. since sleeping on the back or right side .. would slow the blood flow to the baby .. :s

bleeding gums while brushing ur teeth!! :S the horror of a pink toothbrush everymorning :(

the clothes u just ADORE! dont fit anymore ..maternity clothes are simple ugly! not to mention NO MORE HIGH HEELS!!! x```( im soooo soooo bored with flats!

0

Humiliation, prepare ur self to "throwup" at almost anytime! any place! with out a warning. :/

you miss feeling simply comfortable! you deal with difficulty in breathing! heart burns .. and back aches! all at once.

your no longer described as (hot .. sexy ..attractive.. etc) ur either beautiful, pretty, radiant, cute or glowing! thats it! ok theyre all sweet .. but i think its boring :p

being very emotional! when u cry over almost anything .. everyday! basically you (pms x 10 for 9 months!)

people always stare at you .. and somehow since u have a huge belly now .. its considered ok! not to mention the ones who approach and ask to touch ur belly!!

The penguin walk! not being able to jump, run up the stairs, walk long distances with out losing ur breath! not being able to keep up with the ppl your with. the gym!God i miss that :( and dont tell me that i can do the preggos exercise!! theyre not an option .. theyre just there to humiliate us even more!

not benig able to munch on SUSHI .. JAP food .. add to that .. coffee , tea , chocolate salt and suger! a long list of ( no no`s)

when you get ill .. flu or what ever .. there are no meds you can take, nothing so far is 100% safe .. it will take u twice as long to recover .. in other words .. you WILL suffer.

being deprived .. of massages! ok i know theyve got these special preg messages .. but wheres the fun when you cant lay on ur tummy!! i mean thats the whole point of a massage .. going somewhere to lay on ur tummy!! but no, in this case, they massage your back while ur sitting!!!

LOL this one is actually funny, could be cute :p getting a popped belly button! ;p saying hello to the out side world.

in some cases (my case) .. not allowed to drive ur car :(

forcing food up your throat, having to eat food you hate.. 'eatign for two!!' i hate it when they say that x@

every womans nightmare .. (STRETCH MARKS) i still havent got those .. they say some ppl just dont get them! so keep praying with me :)

and finally .. the constant constant constant .. worrying! i have never in my life worried this much! for every checkup .. every i dont know what ..
you worry .. bout the babies health .. and yours .. not to mention .. ur DUE DATE! the constant waiting .. count downs .. and the nitemares you have.

oh yes .. its one rough road to take .. right now it seems endless ..

hope everyone is well ;)

late at nite un welcomed guest

I didnt get any sleep last nite ... thanks to the very talendted very smart blood sucking mosqueto friend of mine!

the entire day while i was having lunch, then watching tv, then got online .. then hub got home, for almost an entire day .. she made sure she kept me in good cmopany .. specialy when it came to my legs ..

i had bites all over the place!!! THAT B****! she wouldnt take a break!
finaly was time to go to bed .. and that is when the real drama started!

u know the feeling when ur heavy body is finaly lyed down on the most comfortable bed, cold sheets and ur favorite pillow! yeah that .. i was just starting to get comfortable .. when suddenly imagine the worst skreechiest noise u ever heard yeah that!! would come in .. so loud and out of no where almost going all the way inside ur ears!

"ZZZZZSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTKKKKKKKKKKKKK"

it was my lil friend .. wishing me a good nite sleeep!!! :s

I JUMP STARTED TO SLAP MY EARS!!!!

"GOOOO AWAAAAAAY"

hub wakes up !!! "whats wrong????"

i was almost gonna start crying coz i couldnt handle it any more ..

the mosqueto was following me .. i cant sleep like this!!

at 1:00 am .. we open the lights and wait for her royalty to show upp but .. no ... shes way smarter than that .. she only shows her ugly face .. when the lights are off ..

i go to sleep again .. as i was drawsing ...

"ZZZZZSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK"

@@ !!!!!!!!!!!

that scenario went on the entire nite! we were only able to sleep after we decided to keep the lights switched on!!!!

which is not considered sleeping at all ... we were under her mercy ...

finally around 5:40 am .. hub goes up and switches the lights off .. coz no one really could sleep .. hoping she gave up and left ...

5 minutes .. it took her five minutes!!! and it was

"ZZZZZZZZSSSSSSSSSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTTTTTTKKKKKKKKK"

all over again @@ !!! and its always MEEE!!! WHY MEEE!!!

i got out of bed .. panting .. yelling ... "WHERE ARRE U!!!!"

lol just like the scene in "i know what u did last summer " ..

and everytime i wakeup there would be a new bite .. some where else ..

enough is enough ... 6:00 am .. were both up looking terrible .. sitting on the bed .. waiting for a sign .. anything .. i wasnt leaving this house untill she was DEAD!

exactly at around .. 6:15 am .. we finally killed our little unwelcomed un invited guest :D the heart breaking part is that when my hub (my hero!)finaly got a quick glimps of her .. squished her with a tissue box on the wall!! MY BLOOD WAS ALL OVER THAT WALL!!! :S it was horrifying ..

it feeeels so strange knowing that someone/thing is actualy taking ur blood! with out ur permission! how RUDE IS THAT!

so now im at work .. sleep deprived .. feeling itchy in so many places .. plus i might need some blood :p

i honestly believe .. mosquetos are like the creatures that come from the gate of hell .. im sure they even descend from like dracula or something! how can she dissapear so quickly! she was there and then shes not!! they look so ugly and evil .. and they suck living things blood .. after drugging them ... how creepy is that!

anyways i think my vent is about over .. sorry for the lengthy post ..

have a good day all :)

suicidals

when a guy stretches his arm ... pulls up his sleeve ..

and says: "release me from my misery"

and no it was not a joke, he totally meant it, he did that only after i asked him: "can i help you?" not to mention .. i ve only known him for two days!

i think im dealing with a real suicidal here ... he sometimes scares me ..
i dont know what to do! :(

*ps: i miss my domain :(

(bgara) accident

i and hub driving .. we reach a turn and stop .. waiting for the cars to pass by .. and suddenly (DABO0M!)

a car hits us from the back .. i felt the entire crash go straight to my back ..

.. hub goes out ..

i could see the drivers face in the rear mirror (unfortunately a woman) yes i know how predictable .. and she had both hands covering her face! she was sooo afraid and shocked ..

she comes out of her car .. and the minute she does all i could hear was YELLING!

i couldn't believe my eyes! shes the one who hit our car .. and shes the one upset!

the first thing my hub said:

"u just hit my car! and my wife is pregnant inside!!! why didn't u stop??!!"

she replied: "WELL I DIDNT SEE YOU! ITS NOT MY FAULT! and theres nothing wrong with your car .. why are you complaining"

hub: "its not just the car! and yes there is something wrong .. u ruined my rear bumper .. its broken cant u see!" he pointed at the damage ..

she: ... "its minor minor damage!! it wont cost much .. and how do i know this damage wasn't here before i hit u!!!"

OMG! the nerve she had .. calling us liars! :s

i was sooooooooooo pissed! i wanted to drive over her yelling face ..

i knew she was a (bgara!!) type of woman, from the way she was talking .. and i knew she maybe didn't have insurance and thats why she was trying to get out of it by making a scene ..

i called hub .. all i wanted was to go home .. because my back was killing me .. i asked him to please just take me home .. and let the B**** go away .. i couldn't stand her any more ..

*ps: to who ever u are (the woman) i hope u somehow read this .. the pic of the post is dedicated to you.

hope everyone is well ;*

just another day

im at work and im so depressed,
you sometimes wakeup knowing that this is going to be a bad day.
there are no signs for bad days .. you can never see them coming.

i have lost my phones charger, my phone has been switched off for two days now. funny part is, if i want to get a charger now I will have to buy the same phone again just to get the charger from the box! since my very smart phones company decided not to sell chargers. But I have to say living with out a mobile for the past two days, have been a bliss, reminded me of how we used to live before ...the good old days. No attachments just you out there doing what ever u are doing no distraction or interruptions. it was sweet :)

so back to now, im so hungry i did not eat a thing yet I don't think I will until lunch time.

I want to see my friends .. more specifically (dalol) since she's back in Kuwait for Easter .. but i cant! and I really don't know why?? lol 7adna day5en!

last but not least i would like to thank all the ppl who smoke indoors with no respect or what so ever for the other clean lungs breathing around them! thank you for suffocating us, thank you for ruining my makeup (since im allergic and get teary eyes when exposed to smoke), oh and thank you for making me smell like a chimney.

obviously my day is still not getting any better neither is my mood.

thats why i had that (top) pic .. hoping for good luck to come and save the day :) what can i say im a hopeful person.

hope all is well :*

BIG News!

i still cant believe it!

im speechless ...

yes, its me ...

hey mom,
how are you .. its been very long since weve last talked ..
well technicaly its now 4 years 6 months and 19 days.
i wonder bout ur life alot .. what do u do everyday ?

hows ur hair now? what do u wear? do u have friends?
do u hear/see me .. ? or is it all a myth?
i sometimes wonder if u even remember me?

you have no idea how much i need u right now specialy now .. my life has been changing alot .. many many things .. most of them things u wanted for me .. and now theyre all happened/happening .. but ur not here to see or share them.

i cant get over the last nite i spent with you, how u asked me to curl up in ur lap and stroked my hair just like i was 5 years old again! u just wanted us to have mommy/daughter special time .. i sometimes think that u knew that i wasnt going to see you the next morning, but u didnt want to tell me.

instead u gave me a great good nite kiss, and let me sleep. i dont want to remember waking up from that awful day.

life is funny, keeps taking then giving, thinking by giving its somehow making up for what it took ..

anyways mom ... i tried manythings to stay intouch with you .. everything .. so i thought i havent tried my blog .. lol i sometimes wonder if u guys up there have internet ?? well maybe u dont need it .. i bet if u had it ur connection would be way faster than ours!

so this is me childishly, hoping that in heaven u maybe have internet and that u will actually type http://www.no3ik.com/ knowing that its ur daughters blog and also knowing that shes posting something for u to read ..
but im not hoping ull comment back coz that would be too much to ask for ..

i love love love love love love u sooooooo much 7bebty ..
missssssing u like hell .. hoping ill see u .. please even in a dream
i need to see u ok :*
love u.

How far?

when a friend calls, because he/she needs somone to talk to ..
just to talk .. vent .. and repeat what theyve been saying for the past 5 years ..

as a real friend your supposed to listen .. and care ..
simply be there .. but what if that friend of urs wanted more from you ?
what if they wanted advise .. what if they wanted you to pin point exactly what they should do .. regarding a life altering situation ..

as a real friend what should you do?

should you get your self out of it .. pretend that you have no idea, that you dont know what should be done! ..

although in my case .. and for the past 5 years i know exactly what should be done, and i know exactly that its the ONLY way out .. but i never dared even whisper it .. for many reasons ..
one of them is i do not want the responsibility of what may happen later on .. also, i belive people .. mature people should decide such things on their own.

so back to the question .. if a friend asks you what to do .. and insists on it ..
that it comes from you .. as a real true friend .. what should your answer be?

hope all is well :)

I hate politics ...

i really really do,
the world is filled with people and its only normal for them to think differently, have different backgrounds and take different stances.

politics only enhance these differences and turns them into a problem! politics seeks to let some get over the heads of some, to take whats not theirs, to get into struggles and endless arguments .. politics has been through all ages described as "UGLY" and thats the truth. Its dark and it dismantles the natural balance of society.

-

"A man who does not think for himself does not think at all. It is grossly selfish to require of one's neighbour that he should think in the same way, and hold the same opinions. Why should he? If he can think, he will probably think differently. If he cannot think, it is monstrous to require thought of any kind from him."

Oscar Wilde, The soul of man under Socialism 1891

what i hate more than politics is "IGNORANCE" people who take stances with out any research or information, people who are being brainwashed and spoon fead all what they know .. people who do not think for them selves and just want to think and say what everyone else is saying! this is the bigger problem.

History is repeating it self and Kuwait is being shread to pieces .. with out taking any sides and with out even mentionnning what im talking about .. IGNORANT kuwaitis are the cause of this problem! if only they researched .. if only they checked what they have read if only they sat and thought for them selves for a minute .. and looked at all the facts .. half of the fuss and trouble we have would be gone if not did not exist in the first place.

I wish all of whats happening would stop, whats in the past is in the past .. the present says that were all living on this peaceful loving land .. why isnt it bringing up people that are peaceful and loving as well? whos falt is that? no titles for once ,, no strikes for once ,, no fights for once,, no bashing for once .. just us .. living together understanding one another .. thats all it takes.

I would like to end with a prayer: Dear Allah please let us live in peace, dont let us fight any more.. let this crisis pass on quickly and let it be the last one inshallah .. Allah please protect kuwait and all kuwaitis from any harm, even if it was from eachother .. again let us be at peace and content ya Allah.

hope everyone is well :)

Today i Turned 20...

SIX! ;p

Your Birthdate: February 16

You're incredibly introverted and introspective. You live inside your head.You spend a lot of alone time meditating and thinking.People see you as withdrawn, and at times they are right.You are caring and deep, but it may be difficult for you to show this side of yourself. Your strength: Your original approach to thinking Your weakness: You tend to shy away from others Your power color: Pale blue Your power symbol: Wavy line Your power month: July

What Does Your Birth Date Mean?

Most of what it says is total crap! but
its fun to read these things :)
love u all :***

The Parliment Needs Some 'Love'

Happy 'love' day to all ..

i know we can celebrate 'love' everyday ..

but people who know the value of love will know that it deserves a day to be celebrated and expressed in everyway you can :)

specially for 'those' .. the ones who are either always busy to love, or are afraid to show their emotions .. its a good day to give them a push, or space to remind them of what their missing ..

valentines has nothing to do with politics. . or religion .. to celebrate one of the greatest emotions .. is something universal that all living things experiance and share .. just like we celebrate freedom and peace .. love is also worthy of its own day. it does not attack any race or religoin .. so why is it being attacked?

some people think its a silly and meaningless day/occasion .. waste of money and time, those can simply dismiss it .. but they also shouldnt judge or look down on those who choose to enjoy it.

and there are those who are trying to stop it, on their very weak alligations .. "that it is some how attacking and degrading someone or some 'religoin'!" i ask them to go and try work and solve a bigger problem .. do something with a good cause, quit puting your noses in our lives .. and quit trying to control everything and everyone around you .. we did not vote for you and put you on your chairs so that you can come in and control how were supposed to live and feel. enough has been done already.

instead try and help the poor, try to stop war .. for example, call for support and aid for those suffering in iraq and ghaza .. and many many other countries. Honestly, you are wasting time and effort on trifal issues such as this one, your escaping from your real duties and obligations towards this country and its people.

I believe that this is the real message of love: caring for all the ones you love .. your partner .. family friends and specialy the people who need it the most, are the ones feeling alone, forgotten, naked and unsafe on some other less fortunate lands.

i would like to send a big 'love' you message to all my readers .. and to all the people who are deprived of love.

love u :*

"identity"

how would you want to define ur self?
more importantly, how can u define ur self?
what are the options that were given in our life?
most of the people i meet, ask for my name, my age, my job ..
sometimes .. its my hobbies, my car, my house ...
if we try to go broader here .. you will be defined for
your skin color, your race, your religion .. your political views ...ect

im starting to feel that each person have turned into a checked application.
you fill in the right boxes, and when your done .. you decide if you want to keep that form or not .. and if u need to be incontact with that form again ..
you will have to register it under a number .. or an electronic address.

maybe im not making sense.. but the image im seeing in my head is harsh cold! humans have lost their sense of touch. rarely do you see them welcome eachother with open arms, and a smile.

somehow we have managed with time, money and power to dehumanise people, turned them into forms and lines - territories, materials and positions .. no one cares how your feeling, who you really are from the inside. your surrounded with people but at the same time, deep inside you know your a stranger and alone. for that loss .. people are hating and killing eachother.

Our prophet Mohammed (pbuh) was the only prophet who did not need to make miracles for people to believe in him and his message, he himself was his own miracle.. the holybook (Quraan) he came with, and his heart .. his miracle human heart managed to show people how to live together .. but more importantly .. how to be at peace and love one another.

just a very long bit tangled thought :)
wish everyone is well!

Jan

how did Jan treat you so far .. ?

ive been loving it .. al7imdellah .. i think you can tell how a year is going to turn out from Jan ..

other than mo7aram .. its been all great news and happy days :)

i cant believe its been a year already since i posted this! mashalllah ... days really just slip with out us noticing.

anyways like before .. i was chewing a gum and decided to post something ;p

my miss you list:
will miss you reem :*

will miss you dalol :*

will miss you my other reem :*

i already miss so many of my friends and cousins ..

ive been so busy :s

and i ofcourse still miss my blog :*****

tc have a koot day.

*ps: i hope my readers know that i was being sarcastic in my previuos post .. i wrote it and i was very upset after watching the news .. so please dont worry im not a terrorist and im not going to bomb anything ;p

strap me to a bomb

on a school day,

so that after the morning...
there will be a beautiful pink fountain for the kids to play,
later, they can have fun gathering the remaining parts;
of their neighbors, parents ...
or even their own.

Strap me to a bomb,
so i can declare to the world
my way of thinking ...
beliefs and views -
trust me, they will only want to join.

Strap me to a bomb,
where the more people are there, the merrier
i will be a hero for killing;
the evil who disagree with me.
have no worries, its a fair game
the good ones who die,
will later want to thank me.

Strap me to a bomb,
so that after the blood bath
the image will be clearer,
for the world to see
that i was right
and everyone else,
is simply wrong.

*ps: this poem is inspired by the death of Benazir Bhutto.
may allah rest her soul and all the innocent souls that have died in war/suicidal bombings.
i have always wondered ... how possibly hard it is to just want peace in this world!